♥Lustful♥The Girl Every Girl Wants To Be

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

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Hey ya...It's been freaking long
since I last update this bloggy
of mine...It has not only been
collecting dust,but also a lot of
untold memories...

Guess today would be an
appropriate day to give one...
Supposedly,I'm to meet some-
one...But...Caused by something
unexpected and unplanned...
It got cancelled...So..Okay..Off
to meet Aizad then?

Text him..Told him I'd like
to change the plan..I'll meet
him at Compass Point,after I
picked up my make-up palette
from my C.A...His LAST MINUTE
reply was that he too can't make
it..Due to some LAST MINUTE
things....Next week maybe..I
can't be cramping all meet ups
next week,can I,Aizad?And...
My girls aren't too happy about
that Aizad...So do I...

Meet up with Lovelies then..
Saw Fina first before that..
Babe..So sorry time spent was
short...Some other time,it'll be
for "kita kita" okay?Heheh...
Went to Long John..Made over
my dear Dee after that..Then
head to our favorite spot...

There,we had a little crappy
session..And something kind
of got to me...I've talked about
it on the bus with Love..A little...
This,will be the "so called" full
version of it..

_______________

You know..Aizad...I thought
that,finally!Like finally,finally!...
You can open up to me..Like how
I have..That can never happen,
aye?What happened earlier
today..Somehow made me
realized how patient I am with
you..Other than Jepun,you're
the second one I've been patient
with..How slowly I'm taking things
when it comes to you..

There's a clear line between
giving and taking,and my
forbearance..CONGRATS!!
You've just crossed that line
dude..That IS IT!!I have had
enough..I'm exhausted..Hopelessly
worn out...Tired..Just sick and
tired of waiting..Chasing..Giving...
Yet,I'm not gaining...Tell me
Aizad..What's the point in playing
chase,if you're not even a step
ahead?

You were like my childhood sweet-
heart..You're my cocaine..My sweet,
sugary candy escape...Somehow,
addictive...I tried to pull myself
away..Tried looking at other boys..
Yet,it's you that I turn back to...Just
for you..I've made too much pit
stops.Moved a little to the front.
Made a U-turn not long later..You
gave me hope,of which I've come to
senses that it can't be relied upon..
Answer me,how long have I known
you?More than 2 years,Aizad..How
about this one : how long have I
waited and be patient with you?The
answer is same Aizad..

I was in the bus home..And I
almost broke down...Thinking
that this time,I am sincerely,
extremely tired..And..I told
myself that this will be the time
I will shut the main doors for you...
Open it up to others..I can't
continuously hold back..Because I
have held back a heck lot of
untouched,unspoken,unsaid and
unfounded things..

Why?Por ti...For you...All because
of you...There are those boys out
there,who could be my Mr.Perfect..
And I would never know if I'm still
here,"mourning" over you..I think
I've given us both a lot of time for
us,but from what I've been seeing..
It won't work..We're not even
part-timer..

Yet I felt used and unappreciated..
From what I have been putting
together too...You're not the kind
of man that's MY kind..You can't
seem to take a thing called RISK,
Aizad...Again..I've put up with it
and with you for far too long..I want
a "divorce" from you..

There's one more thing caused by
you,I had you hidden from those
close to me..From those I cared
for and vice versa..I have been with
you all these while in secrecy....
Quietly.... Hiding you from them..
It feels bad... Figure you wouldn't
care a bit about it...Ain't I JUST
SO right Aizad??!!

YES!I am "dumping" you,so called,
even before WE get together,boy...
AND..Before I got dumped..Heh..
How ironic...I don't need a Mr.Purrfuck
I need Mr.Perfect(in my eyes & heart)
that is...

This love fairytale surrounded by
beautifully tailored lies,too twisted,
too entwine..It was pretty while
fairies were flapping their wings,
spreading their magical dusts...Flowers
were blooming with love..Such beauty..
Yet violent in it's own way..It's thorn..
It hurts..And the pain I've kept..It's
building up...It's killing me softly..

Our fairytale has become too entwine
to untangle..I find no perfect reasons
now to slowly find the way to the
source of the tangle and slowly
UNtangle it..Lets just take a knife and
cut it through and OVER...Capture all
those fairies..Put them to sleep forever,
put an eternal curse on our fairytale land,
a curse that shall snatch all liveliness and
all memories of it..A curse that shall
vanishes it...Forever...

Before I drown even deeper..While there
is still a good thing going on for me,why
not explore and find indulgence in it..
Why should I let you submerged me?!
Why should I let you're sweetness
paralyzed me?!WHY?!

So...Here's to farewell Aizad...
Aizad,I'm not going to hold on
any longer..I am letting you go..
Go back to your little pond...Swim
Aizad,swim..'Cause I'll be going
to the ocean to dive....So long now...

Next Please!!Next Please!!Next Please!!

12:33 AM Z

Monday, April 20, 2009

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Okay..I'm staring blankly at this
pathetic screen..Wondering...
Just.....Thinking...What do I do
when the walls starts to tumble
down upon me?

It ALL comes down to one tiny
little thing...Where do I go in
search for my answers?What
do I look into to find those who
can provide me with reasons?
How do I go about finding my
ways around the "town" full of
enigma?And how about how do
I put together a plan to eradicate
something close to my heart?

Whose eyes do I look into to
find the source of my strength?
I have never envisage myself
in this state of condition..Never..
But what can I do..I'm just a mere
human being..Undeniably imperfect..

Trapped in a "fairytale" so intwined..
Fallen too deeply,too far from
euphoria...The oh-you-think-I'd-care
facade is killing me slowly...Leading
to a fatal heartbreak..

You've commited a felony..Yes!You're
the one pulling me out of euphoria.
Into the psychotic state that I've
been trying to hold down..

Every smile you gave,is like raindrops.
Each one filled with emotions and a
story of it's own to tell..And every drop
of it is as beautiful as those smile that
comes from you..

(To be continued)

11:32 PM Z

Monday, April 13, 2009

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Boo chak chak!!Haha..Whoo...Today...
Today was the April intake first day
orientation...I came back people..I
did!!Haha...I missed those guys...
My BLs kakis...Miss them badly to
the atmosphere laa...Haha..So before
I give out any sentimental messages
or speeches for those guys..Lets start
with my two most loved Lovelies,Qin
and Dee....

Mak datok...They start school TODAY..
Haha...They're in OR...Haha...Both of
them..I wonder how the teachers are
gonna handle them..Haha...Two bacin
together..God knows what can happen..
Haha...I was quite busy being a P.A
to my most missed Fina..Haha...Kekek
pe Fina!!!Haha...So didn't really saw
much of Lovelies..Haha..But turn here
and there...I managed to see these
two Ecstasy of mine..Hahak..

So..After settle most of the things..
During Ice Breaking,David came..
Haha..Wah..Macam mana peh star
pulak kan dia..Haha...Peh perangai
macam bacin..First thing he asked
me when he saw me was (looking at
his 'imaginary watch' , cuz he's not
wearing one) "So..Off uh today?"
Haha..What are you trying to say
"Sir"?Hahaha...

After that..He asked "How's work,Irah"
Alamak you uh..Don't make me smack
you!You know how my work is eh..
Haha...Unlike you..I'm not that lucky
to have my weekends to myself...
Hahak..But..Who cares...Like I told
you..I'll just tahan and hang around
for another 6 more weeks..Haha..
Then..I'll be a free bird!!!!Haha...No
need to go school!!No need see your
face!!Haha..Joking only uh..Hahaha...

Soon before it's time to say bubbye..
The usual jokers MUST start their
nonsense...Haha...Matthew,David,Yan,
Adi....Starts tucking in their shirts and
pulling their pants up high..Now those
guys..I'll give them a soft spot in my
tiny heart...They'll be the Geeks Of
My Life...Can??Haha...

All's done...I didn't tag along to Simpang
with the rest..Instead I head to Bedok
Inter,Long John...There...Right at the
very corner...My two Ecstasy are waiting
for me..Haha..I was kind of off today..
Have no idea as to why huh...Guess it's
due to the fact that I am late for 3 months..
You know late for what laa uh..My every
months "cuti"..

Reached home about 7..And overall..I think
I did a better job at my job than the first
time I did my job during January intake..
Hahaha...Sounds complicating?I got an
even more complicating one..Haha...

So now...I shall start with my "I miss those
guys" speeches...

First speech..Goes out to Fina...Bebeh..
I MISS YOU to the...Hmmm....To the
Kallang River?Haha...Miss you laa..So
much!!And too much...Meeting you on
Saturday...Wasn't enough!!Nak keluar
lagi!!!!!!!!!!Haha...That hug when we
just met..I tell you..If it were to go on a
little bit more longer..I'd be crying.. :(

Sentimental laa gitu...Hahak...Don't
know what else to say uh...Just MISS
you laa bebeh....

Next up...My Adik Kesayangan,Matthew
Joshua Wee...Is it??Haha...Matt oh Mat..
Adik ku!!It's been LONG,man,since I
last smack your butt!!Haha...No laa...
It's just been long since we have our
Kakak-Adik talk..If you ever wanna
talk or just feels like talking crap...
I'm just a text away..I'll entertain your
craps..Just like how you entertained
mine..Fair right??

Third will go to..Let's see..David?Haha..
Not really missing you that much..Ahak..
I meant not as much as I miss Fina...So,
okay..Third goes to David..You know
what..I miss your merepek-ness..Haha..
You ARE merepek okeh!!Haha..

Moving on...Fourth...Goes to Adi and Yan..
These two..Always able to put a smile on
my face..Haha..They tease a lot..But yet
I can never get mad at them..Haha..

Guess that is all of the people I've been
missing..Haha..You guys are those who
are sort of second close to me apart from
my two Lovelies...Tha's a plus point ouhkeh!
Don't take it for granted..Kk??Haha..K GO!!!

To all that names are mentioned above..
I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!Got miss me
or not??Haha...Miss you,you,you,you
and YOU...yes you you you you!!!Those
that I missed are those that I respect..

Last words to all reading my blog...

If One Does Not Know To Which Port One Is Sailing,

No Wind Is Favourable.

10:03 PM Z

Monday, April 6, 2009

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Hey..You know...It just seemed
to me that people are just
wearing a mask over their face..
This applies only to guys..

Almost 88.8% of the people I
knew are some what wearing
one...They claimed that they know
me..Oh!Of course..

"Hey,I know you!!You're Irah
aren't you?!"

Duhh!!How much obvious can I
get...Just because you knew my
name..Doesn't mean you know
me baby..Ain't gonna mention
who wha..

Just so YOU know me a little
bit better..But don't get any
wrong idea..It's not for you
to get any closer than you are
now to me..It is a kind of an
alarm..Yeah..Alarm..For you to
acknowledge that once u pissed
me,annoy me,disrupt my peace,
undeniably a pest to me AND..
Once you're given the VIP spot
in MY Black Book..Oh brother!

You'd be wishing you never ever
came across this child of a devil
named Nurul Zahirah!!Kapeesh?!
So here goes...

First thing first..I'm a rebel by
born..But..If you can be a
two-faced SUCKER.So can I
baby.I ain't showing you that
I am one heck of a rebel just yet..
I'll be an Angel if u don't be an ASS..

Second up..I never go by the rules..
It MIGHT seems like I'm a goody
good citizen..No no..I make
amendments to rules,only THEN,
will I carry it out..

Third on the list...I'm nobody like
you!I am a BETTER version of
you.. When I say better..I mean..
Really WAY better..

Fourth and going up....I have a
DISEASE called EGO..And it's
pretty huge...Even much greater
than a boy's ego..I won't...
I R E P E A T..I WON'T bow to
you..

Fifth.....It's in the blood and it
skipped my Mum..I have a mouth
that kills...I say it..You hate me..
Ooh..Too bad...I don't give hoot!

Sixth......Get this in that thick
idiotic stupid to the atmosphere
not so bright brain of yours...I
hate arrogant,boastful,self
centered,cocky and full of yourself
bloke..Yes..You dumb bloke..It's
not hot to brag and boast...It's hot
when you have EVERYTHING yet
you're not SHOWING it OFF..In
another..Be HUMBLE..

Seventh unheaventhly,it won't be
easy to tame me..So..Don't get
high hopes..And start being too
over confident with me..You
disgust me..Get it?

Eight and I'm not dead.When I am
not impressed..You can tell..So..
Take 100 steps back..Go figure..

Ninth and standing strong..I'm
a girl with my own thoughts,I don't
just talk the talk..I walk the walk
baby..Haha..Unlike you!You only
talk..But you do nothing..

Tenth by obligation ,I'm raised with
one language..That is,the language
of Independent.I stand and WILL
only move up with my own feet..
Unless desperate,I won't accept help.

What else?Oh..Should you ever
encounter trouble memorising this..

Here's a summary of it ALL..

I AM a rebel by born,devil in
disguise,rules?I only follow MY
rules,I'm a BETTER version of
you,I have an ego that eats
myself,mouth that kills,self
centered,boastful,arrogant,
full of yourself cocky ass are
a definite TURN OFF.Over
confident DISGUSTS me,
when I ain't impressed,MOVE
AWAY!I talk the talk & walk the
walk,live by independent..Get it?

Any questions?Don't come looking
for me..I'm not an information
counter..

Lastly..If you can't handle me when

you have only been around me for

less than 2 years..Then..Go take

a hike aiight?!

11:55 PM Z