♥Lustful♥The Girl Every Girl Wants To Be

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

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Hey ya...It's been freaking long
since I last update this bloggy
of mine...It has not only been
collecting dust,but also a lot of
untold memories...

Guess today would be an
appropriate day to give one...
Supposedly,I'm to meet some-
one...But...Caused by something
unexpected and unplanned...
It got cancelled...So..Okay..Off
to meet Aizad then?

Text him..Told him I'd like
to change the plan..I'll meet
him at Compass Point,after I
picked up my make-up palette
from my C.A...His LAST MINUTE
reply was that he too can't make
it..Due to some LAST MINUTE
things....Next week maybe..I
can't be cramping all meet ups
next week,can I,Aizad?And...
My girls aren't too happy about
that Aizad...So do I...

Meet up with Lovelies then..
Saw Fina first before that..
Babe..So sorry time spent was
short...Some other time,it'll be
for "kita kita" okay?Heheh...
Went to Long John..Made over
my dear Dee after that..Then
head to our favorite spot...

There,we had a little crappy
session..And something kind
of got to me...I've talked about
it on the bus with Love..A little...
This,will be the "so called" full
version of it..

_______________

You know..Aizad...I thought
that,finally!Like finally,finally!...
You can open up to me..Like how
I have..That can never happen,
aye?What happened earlier
today..Somehow made me
realized how patient I am with
you..Other than Jepun,you're
the second one I've been patient
with..How slowly I'm taking things
when it comes to you..

There's a clear line between
giving and taking,and my
forbearance..CONGRATS!!
You've just crossed that line
dude..That IS IT!!I have had
enough..I'm exhausted..Hopelessly
worn out...Tired..Just sick and
tired of waiting..Chasing..Giving...
Yet,I'm not gaining...Tell me
Aizad..What's the point in playing
chase,if you're not even a step
ahead?

You were like my childhood sweet-
heart..You're my cocaine..My sweet,
sugary candy escape...Somehow,
addictive...I tried to pull myself
away..Tried looking at other boys..
Yet,it's you that I turn back to...Just
for you..I've made too much pit
stops.Moved a little to the front.
Made a U-turn not long later..You
gave me hope,of which I've come to
senses that it can't be relied upon..
Answer me,how long have I known
you?More than 2 years,Aizad..How
about this one : how long have I
waited and be patient with you?The
answer is same Aizad..

I was in the bus home..And I
almost broke down...Thinking
that this time,I am sincerely,
extremely tired..And..I told
myself that this will be the time
I will shut the main doors for you...
Open it up to others..I can't
continuously hold back..Because I
have held back a heck lot of
untouched,unspoken,unsaid and
unfounded things..

Why?Por ti...For you...All because
of you...There are those boys out
there,who could be my Mr.Perfect..
And I would never know if I'm still
here,"mourning" over you..I think
I've given us both a lot of time for
us,but from what I've been seeing..
It won't work..We're not even
part-timer..

Yet I felt used and unappreciated..
From what I have been putting
together too...You're not the kind
of man that's MY kind..You can't
seem to take a thing called RISK,
Aizad...Again..I've put up with it
and with you for far too long..I want
a "divorce" from you..

There's one more thing caused by
you,I had you hidden from those
close to me..From those I cared
for and vice versa..I have been with
you all these while in secrecy....
Quietly.... Hiding you from them..
It feels bad... Figure you wouldn't
care a bit about it...Ain't I JUST
SO right Aizad??!!

YES!I am "dumping" you,so called,
even before WE get together,boy...
AND..Before I got dumped..Heh..
How ironic...I don't need a Mr.Purrfuck
I need Mr.Perfect(in my eyes & heart)
that is...

This love fairytale surrounded by
beautifully tailored lies,too twisted,
too entwine..It was pretty while
fairies were flapping their wings,
spreading their magical dusts...Flowers
were blooming with love..Such beauty..
Yet violent in it's own way..It's thorn..
It hurts..And the pain I've kept..It's
building up...It's killing me softly..

Our fairytale has become too entwine
to untangle..I find no perfect reasons
now to slowly find the way to the
source of the tangle and slowly
UNtangle it..Lets just take a knife and
cut it through and OVER...Capture all
those fairies..Put them to sleep forever,
put an eternal curse on our fairytale land,
a curse that shall snatch all liveliness and
all memories of it..A curse that shall
vanishes it...Forever...

Before I drown even deeper..While there
is still a good thing going on for me,why
not explore and find indulgence in it..
Why should I let you submerged me?!
Why should I let you're sweetness
paralyzed me?!WHY?!

So...Here's to farewell Aizad...
Aizad,I'm not going to hold on
any longer..I am letting you go..
Go back to your little pond...Swim
Aizad,swim..'Cause I'll be going
to the ocean to dive....So long now...

Next Please!!Next Please!!Next Please!!

12:33 AM Z