♥Lustful♥The Girl Every Girl Wants To Be

Sunday, May 30, 2010

.|..|.

Look into these eyes and you'll see
that I'm just as vulnerable as any-
one else.Look closely then you'll
notice how I've tried to hide.And
when you've finally realised love
when you look long enough into my
eyes,you'll come to see how much
sorrow I've been through in my life...
If you look even deep enough..

4:01 PM Z

Friday, May 21, 2010

.|.Guilty As Charged.|.

I've been getting sick every week..
It's kind of pathetic yo know..Curse
that monomer! Haha...I won't be
going for work tomorrow..Sunday
maybe..I'm just too tired to go
endure a long day at work..I might
have to consider schooling full-time.
But I sayang my working place..-_-"
(Sneezing and yawning at the moment)
Anyway...I need my break...SOON!!
Can't wait for June holiday...I want
to do some catching up with my
writing..Still,that depends on whether
or not my inspiration is coming..Ahaha..

But it's a for sure that I'll start writing
again..I missed writing so much..
And I think the tabloids miss my touch
as well..Haha..Okay..Maybe I exaggerate
a little there...Right now,I'm looking
and observing and recalling for an
inspiration to drop by...And yet again..
It hasn't been visiting me on a regular
basis for the past 3 years..Yeah..
Three years ago was the last time I
write..I'm not even sure if my skills
are still in good to use condition..Haha..
No matter what,I'll still start doing it
again..Regardless what the outcome's
going to be like..

Right now,I'm feeling lethargic..I feel
like banging my head on the keyboard..
And zonk off to sleep..I'm typing and
my eyes are shutting..Imagine that..I
really need to recharge myself!!Some-
body,anybody...Help me here!I need
a body massage,I need a good facial
treatment and I need a Pilates
workout!Yes yes yes! I need those...
And I need to start socializing...I
find myself begining to be anti-
socializing nowadays..Basically,I
need time for myself..Mentally,
physicallyand emotionally..

------------NEWSFLASH----------------
Just got an SMS from work..It reads :
With effect from next week,all HREs
must commit to minimum 3 working
days per week out of which one day
must be a weekend. ______ will
track & deploy staff accordingly..All
availability must be given to her for a
month & not daily,please text ______
at ________ asap on your availability.

What the hell!!! Commit 3 days??Commit
suicide??And Give availability for a
month and no longer daily?As if my school
timetable won't have any extra classes
added on..Say I've given my deployment
for a month,then I got classes popping
up out of nowhere...I'll still be the one at
fault and be blamed..Am I RIGHT to say
this??Okay..Maybe this is a sign for me to
change my status to a full time student..
What say you?Full time student instead of
working student?All this happenings is
happening all at once...God must have
blessed me...*Deep thinking mode*

Okay..That NEWSFLASH totally spoils
everything..Spoils my mood,my plans
and bottom line : EVERYTHING!

BYE!!!

9:34 PM Z

Thursday, May 20, 2010

.|.Random.|.

This is super random..I have no idea
as to what I want to blog about..Too
much is actually happening..Firstly,
school has been hectic..As you
know my timetable is hell..Secondly..
I finally made my comeback special
appearance to work..LOL..Yeah..I went
to work yesterday..Worked with Patrick
doing GR at BEACH!..Shamihah was
the I/C...Laughed with her because of
one incident during the SOS holding
crowd moment...5 trains was used to
clear the crowd yesterday...Shamihah
counted..

I was left alone there for a moment
'cuz Shamihah went to Imbiah (Imbiah
no I/C) So..I also feeling2 I/C for a
moment..Cuz the one at ticketing with
Ting was an OJT..Patrick just started
working there..LOL! I jaga everyone's
break time..HAHAHA!!It was a nice
feeling you know..Haha...After She came
back..I had to become the transporter..
Take and send things to and from Imbiah
to Beach..Soon after that it was already
time for me to go off duty...I was super
worn out..I slept like a pig..Though school
started at 2 p.m today I still couldn't wake
up..

My classmates commented that I looked
sleepy today..Yes..I was sleepy...I can't
wait for June holiday..But againn...I'll be
tied up with some school projects and
work...And studying...And my wisdom
teeth...And............The list goes on...
Okay...I swear I'll be talking crap soon..
'Cuz I really don't know what to blog about..
I guess this is the part where I'm going to
say goodbye..

GOOD NIGHT & GOOD BYE!

8:54 PM Z

Sunday, May 16, 2010

.|.Malam.|.

Andai malam tak bercahaya..
Andai malam tak berangin..
Andai malam tak terang kembali..
Andai malam tak memberiku pagi
untuk bangun lagi..
Andai malam ini..Tiada esok bagi ku..
Ku ingin memberitahumu bahawa...
Ku sayang padamu..
Ku rindu padamu...
Ku cinta padamu..
Biar malam jadi saksi..
Biar keheningannya menemani..
Biar malam menyepi..
Biar airmataku mengalun irama..
Biar malam.....
Menjadi tempat aku mengadu duka...

10:56 PM Z

.|.Andai Itu Sudah Tertulis.|.

Bila nanti aku hilang,carilah aku

dengan doa doa mu..

Bila nanti aku mati,hidupkanlah

aku di ingatanmu...

Bila nanti aku ditanam,tanamlah

aku di dalam hatimu...

Dan bila nanti aku tak kembali,

usah merinduiku..

Keikhlasan harus ada...Satu ku pohon..
Tak banyak yang ku mahu..Hanya itu..
Kerana aku tahu..Setiap yang aku
lakukan,setiap yang aku ucapkan,setiap
yang aku berikan..Aku ikhlas..Tak
pernah aku mempersoalkan sesuatu
yang engkau lakukan..Tak pernah aku
ragui..

Jangan kau bimbang,di mana ku berada..
Dengan siapa ku bersama..Jangan lupa
aku tetap kau yang punya...

9:18 PM Z

Thursday, May 13, 2010

.|.Hellow Wellow Mellow Marshmallows!!.|.

What the hell!! I know...Haha..Been
busy with school..(macam paham)..
Haha...Yes I've been busy...School's
timetable is really a killer!I can
only work on Wednesdays and
Saturdays..Sometimes..ONLY
Saturdays...Bahh!!I haven't had the
time for myself and for Lovelies...
It's a sad situation...But...That's life..
I have to move forward with it...

I have a few things on my planner...
A few MAJOR things..Once it's a
confirm...I'll blog about it..Right now..
I'm kind of feeling hopeless...I hate
this feeling!! Yes!!I feel like giving
up on that matter..But I don't want
to let that matter go..It's so heavy!
So how?It has been 2 years already...
2 years and I still want to hang on to
it..But half my heart tells me to just
forget about it...

Forget it!!

9:20 PM Z

Thursday, May 6, 2010

.|.Hello Hello Marshmallows!!.|.

Hello...Hi...How are you people doing?Good?
Glad to hear that..Anyway..A lot has been
happening..Yesterday went to work..Did SOS
ticketing..And it was my turn to encounter...
Drum roll please!! SONGS OF THE DICK!!!
I almost laughed my pants off while attending
to that guest...Oh my goodness...Overall...Had
a great time working with my sister,Fina,we
both did closing,Nadhira,Lobak and Lalitha the
Lolitha..Fina??Haha...As usual..After work,Fina
and I we'll go for dinner...We had a long talk..
We always had long talks over dinner...But
yesterdays' was a little bit different..

That aside..It's between us..I reached home
at 12.40 a.m...Bahh!!What to do..That's my
life..Hahaha...I'm not complaining though...
Now..My current plan is to do superbly well,
get straight A's,a GPA of 4,maintain that GPA
of 4 for two years,get scholarship from AMES
International who is managing London & New
York and do my CIDESCO Diploma all within
the next two years..Can I do it?I believe I can..
And so I WILL do it!Insyaallah...Amin...

Therefore...I need moral supports..I need those
whom I know care for me to be by my side...
Encouraging me..I need them to be my pillars
of hope,supports and strength..I need them to be
with me if not physically,in prayers...I want them
to still be by my side,I NEED them to BE by my
side when times get tough,when they are aware
that I will not have time for them,yet still strong
with me..Even though when I'm busy and have
absolutely no time at all for them,they still be by
my side all the way...When they know that they
are no longer my second priority,they will still be
there for me for that moment of time..I hope they
can understand..And I hope they give me their
blessings and prayers...I pray they'll stick with me...
I really hope they understand..I really do...

And to Mama,Lovelies,Siblings & to whoever else...
I want you to know..That what I do..I do it for you...
What I want and will try to do...I do it for you...Of
course its for me also..But its for you because I want
to make you proud..I want to give you a better life,
Mum...I want you to be treated like a queen,Mum..
And to all..I hope you can understand and bless me..
I hope you understand that I will not be spending
much time at home,as I'll be schooling and working..
And trying to pursue my scholarship and that
CIDESCO Diploma...And I hope that whatever
decisions I am to make,you will accept it with an open
heart..I just need you to be there always for me...
To give me hope,lift me up and "charge" me when
I'm weak...

Can you do that?I don't think I'm asking for much..
Thank you..And..Always remember that I will always
love you...No matter how apart we may be/going to
be..We'll get through these times together...This I
promise..The same I wish from you guys..

Right from the heart,

Darling♥

9:25 PM Z

Sunday, May 2, 2010

.|.Verge Of Breaking Down.|.

I cried two days ago..I cried myself to bed
for the past two days...I don't know why...
But I felt so incomplete...I felt..I felt that I
lack of something..Then I realised..How much
had happened within the 19 years of my
life...And how much I've missed something
for that time of my life...I cried 'cuz even
without knowing how it felt to have a
Father,I miss having one to call my own
Father...It would've been 360 degrees
different...

To grew up without a Father is a challenge
that God hold upon me..I've dealt with it
for 19 years..And doing well...But why now?
Why now,when I'm almost 20 that I felt how
much of an emptiness it has been?After so
much that I have put up with,this is the
one thing that has made me a weakling...I
just wanna cry...I just wanna let it out..
I know things happen for a reason..And I
know God wouldn't test someone whom HE
knows can't bear with it...I'm not complaining..
Nor am I blaming..It's just...I wish I could
feel how it feels to have a complete family,
to have a Father..Even though for a day...

Everyday I put up a smile..Everyday I sound
a laughter..Everyday I never fail to show that
nothing can bother me..Yet everyday,it's eating
me up slowly...Lately..I can't endure it..I wish
I could run away and go missing..But running
away is not going to settle anything..I have to
face it and get over it..I know that time can
never be turn..I know that I'm not the only one
without a father...I just hope these sober moment
will go away soon...I so hate this feeling...I don't
want it to further affect me...

Dear God,
Make this child of yours a stronger person...You
have made me a strong person for the whole 19
years I've breathed...Don't make me fall down..
Guide me with Your love,Your strength and Your
eyes..Put me somewhere,where I know I'm worth..
Put me somewhere,where I know that I can forget
all that has made me shed my tears...

Jadikan hambaMu ini seseorang yang tegar..Pimpin
aku supaya ku sentiasa tidak merasakan kekurangan
yang ada pada diriku...Sinarilah daku dengan cahaya
kasihMu,cahaya petunjukMu dan cahaya imanMu...
Amin...

2:23 PM Z