♥Lustful♥The Girl Every Girl Wants To Be

Thursday, October 28, 2010

.|.Today Spells T.I.R.E.D = TIRED!.|.

I am so exhausted..Seriously..I have too much on my
head..School mostly..Projects,reports,events,CCA's
and studying to make sure I hit GPA of 4.0 again this
term...Bear in mind that I only have one brain..So
much information to store at such a short time..I have
Massage Therapy (MTY) that needs me to be an expert
in bones,joints,muscles and all those living organism
inside our body..Then comes Physiology & Nutrition
(PYN)..Case studies,researches-products,potential
clients,bla bla bla...Have to be handed in by 10 December.
Plus..I have to study on foods and diets..

Apart from these two..I still have Writing For Business
(WFB)..Oh my God! Ever so drying up my brain! I
also have to go through another drying theory class,
Electro-Therapy (ETY)..Therapy/Beauty machines...
As if thats not killing enough..I still have practicals for
MTY,PYN and ETY...And I have one term to fit all those
in,ace and hit the alphabet A and number 4 again..Yes..
I'm aiming for 4 again..I'm dreaming of A's again..With
God's will..Insya'allah..

It's been quite some times since I last touched the holy
Qur'an..I had intentions to open it up again..Tajwid
needs more working on..I'm still a human.I make
mistakes..I tend to abandon those important things
for my soul..Spiritually...But I NEVER forget ALLAH..
I never forget to begin everything in HIS favour..I
start every morning thanking HIM..I take my first sip
everyday with Bismillah..I study with nawa'itu..I cry
with prayers inside with a clear n sincere heart...I end
every steps,every readings and every day with Amin..
I sleep,leaving my life at HIS favour...I never forget..

Mungkin aku jauh dari DIA..Tapi aku dikurniakan
IMAN yang cukup dariNYA..Alhamdullilah..Sejauh
ni iman aku teguh...Insya'allah..

8:34 PM Z

Friday, October 22, 2010

.|.Finally Friday!.|.

Oh yeah! It's finally Friday people!I'm over with
school today..Went to Tampines with the Boxhill
students..Had awesome fun and bonding..But I
had to leave first as I had made plans earlier to
meet up with Fina..So when I was about to bail...
We hugged and Melissa said "we're not your friends
then?" Awww...That touched me..You guys are my
friends!My new found friends! Brilliant week! Found
so many brilliant new friends!!

I guess they continued doing some rounding of the
area..I reached Orchard Central around 4 plus..
Sat and talked..Accompanied Fina,who doesn't
have much sales...God bless...LOL..

What else?Oh..I was soaked to the skin early in the
morning while on the way to school..How envious
the day is towards me??And as I blog,now...I kinda
don't feel so good..Shiat! I've got important matters
tomorrow! Please don't fall sick!

Anyways..Saw Faris...For the second time in school..
He played with my bangs.. -_-"
I kinda find him cute..Hahaha..

I think I have a crush on him...

Ok..Good night! Looking forward to next week..

10:27 PM Z

Thursday, October 21, 2010

.|.Tired Hazey Thursday.|.

This Thursday was a super tired one..Plus..The haze is
killing me,man..I was tired I think due to yesterday..
But the haze..Oh my DnG!Made me giddy by just going
out of class on the 5th floor of school..It's super thick..
The worse haze I've ever experienced in my whole 20
years...

Today..I found out something as well..But I ain't gonna
say no nothin' just yet...We shall wait and see..But do
pray for the best for me aiight?Thank you..

Apart from that..I learned something from Ms Eng's
MTY theory lesson..Our bones are not completely
grown till we reach 25..So......This means...I have 5 more
years to do something,drink more calcium and lead a
healthy life to grow taller...YES!! I have 5 more years to
grow TALLER!!! I still have the chance!! What a good
subject!! I'm so loving that lesson!! Hahaha...Ok..I'm
gonna shut up now!

Yeay!!! I got 5 more years to
still grow taller!!!!!!!!!!

10:40 PM Z

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

.|.A New Friend.|.

Hey! Today was awesome!! Yes,awesome...I went for the
Hair Fashion & Design..After that's all done..went to have
super late lunch with Audrey..It was nice to just sit down
and talk..We were like getting to know who each other
really are..I guess it's a good thing that we both are
involved with the show..At least we get to know the real
us..We've never really talked..But yesterday..I shall
cherish it..Looking forward to the next rehearsal!It'll
be next week on the 25th and 26th..Then 27th is the real
deal..

9:55 PM Z

Saturday, October 16, 2010

.|..|.

Suara mampu mengungkap sejuta kata..Suara dapat
menyampaikan kebencian..Suara mengubat rindu...
Namun suara tak mampu mengucap kata hati..Cinta..
Cinta dilafaz tanpa suara hati,hanya kata-kata di
telinga..Cinta bukan dilafaz dengan suara tapi melalui
degupan nadi.Cinta tak punya satu kata,ia tak
terkata.Cinta...Adalah cinta..Hanya cinta..Tak
seorang manusia pun yang tahu apa erti cinta itu
sesungguhnya...

Cinta usah dipaksa..Cinta tidak memaksa...Cinta
datang tanpa diundang.Cinta datang bila tidak
disangka..Cinta terjadi begitu sahaja..Sama ada
sedar atau tanpa disedari..Cinta tersembunyi
di balik canda tawa..Cinta tersembunyi di balik
senyuman..Cinta..Kadang kala disedari terlambat..

4:12 PM Z

Thursday, October 14, 2010

.|.Broken Heart.|.

When pieces fall..There will be someone who'll pick it up for
you..I don't know why..While having late lunch with Qinny,
we talked and talked..And at one point..I just burst into
tears...I'm going through so much...Yet I want to burden no
one..Not everybody knows this...So I'm gonna be frank
about it..I've lived my life without a father..And I've lived
my life hard..I had to put things I loved aside just so I
get bills paid..The moment I was legal to work,I started
earning..This might sounds cliche..But until today,whatever
earnings I received,not even a penny I hold...I willingly
give it all up to my mother...I know she needs it more..I
spent my school days on an empty stomach,feed with
tears..But not once did I complained..

I might act childish,and pampered,but that's just a way to
hide all those tears,all those sorrow..The world is already
a sad place,I ain't gonna make it even sadder..I'm no
sadist..And when we talked about people not appreciating
what they have or given...It just triggered those emotions..
I am girl who has NOTHING! Everyday i go to school,I'll
always have this in my head "today is gonna be over,will
I still be able to pull through tomorrow? Will I be able to
get my studies done? I have till 2012 to survive..Will I?"

With $200 a month to settle bills,expenses and even
households...I cry every night of every day...I pray to
God..That somehow,somewhere...Someone will come along..
Lightens the weights I held...I thank God for every door
HE has opened for me...Every opportunity HE has laid for me..
But right now..I just don't know what I wanna do..Ok...So right
now..Apart from that $200,I get $15 per hour from teaching..
But that's not gonna be enough...And I can't possibly go on
tiring myself out..I'll end up abandoning my studies..Which is
not what I wanna do..

I don't know...I really...Don't know..Where do I go from here...
Who do I go to from here?Who do I seek strength from?Who's
gonna pick up those fallen pieces of mine?Who's eyes do I
seek to find peace?Sometimes I just wanna hide..

I just wanna cry now...

God have mercy on me...

9:29 PM Z

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

.|.Random Feelings Of the Moment.|.

Arrogance have always been associated with me by those
who first saw me..That's what they thought..I do admit
that I put a wall between people and myself..Not that I
can't open up and go out of my comfort zone..It's just that
I have been hurt once too many times..That I find it hard
to trust others..The only person I can trust is myself..
Those who know me now,somehow,know why I was like
that then..Words are weapon..And words was used on me.
From words come sentence,there on a rumour that I wished
not to mention,starts going around..It tore me apart..

It took me quite the time to mend myself back..That was
when things change..I no longer was that geek next door..
I no longer was the sweet nice girl they used to know..I
took a transformation of a years ahead changing..Slowly..
Things weren't the same..I was a rebel..I say what I
wanna say...I do what I feel like doing..I couldn't give a
hoot about what others had to say about me..And I am
pretty much aware that some just hate me..Some envy me..
Some..Just had empathy for me..I'm still searching for me..
I don't know who am I..What am I..But I know,you do not
deserve my time of worth if I just felt that way..

Yes..I'm a girl who relies big time on my animal instinct..
I'm a loose canon..Raw and untamed..Naive and vain..I
know,the combination's a confusion...But that's what I am..
pretty much,somehow,confused yet at the same time,I know
what I want..Don't try to understand me if you don't think
you'll ever understand yourself because I think everyone's
a lil' confused about themselves...

Hatred burns within me..It's a spark waiting to grow bigger..
Ultimately,I just hate everything..I hate you..I hate her..I
hate him..I hate myself...And every second of every minute
of every hour of the days and months and years,I've been
competing with myself..I'm never satisfied..I'm never good
enough..I'm never pretty enough..I am never smart enough..
I'm never...Worth it...I guess if no one comes along,who can
actually impact me,this will go on and on and on...And soon,
I'll get eaten up by myself...Oh! I don't know!!

I need to put an end to this shit..I'm pushing myself too
hard..I'm putting too much weight on myself..And I'm
effing throwing myself the extend of almost breaking
down..I wonder what devil in me that keeps me going..
Forcing myself to be a bitch..I think I need help...But
my ego's too FAT! It'll hurt my ego if I were to seek help
from even a close friend..That's why I'm always keeping
myself busy..Avoiding those around me as much as possible..

Whatever it is...Don't put any hopes on me..Don't have any
faith in me..Don't believe me..

Aku wanita biasa...Aku tak sempurna..Aku ada kekurangan..
Dan yg paling ketara..Aku ada masalah dengan diri aku..
Kalau kau pilih untuk berada di samping aku,disamping hidup
aku...Just prepare for the worse..Okay..Jangan harap apa-apa
dari aku..

8:56 PM Z

.|.Happy!.|.

Finaly I get to check my result! And I'm speechless...I was
aiming for a GPA of 4..I was aiming for all A's..But to actualy
get All A's with one distinction and that GPA of 4..It's a wow
feeling...I never really expected it to turn out the way I
envisioned it...Now the plan is to maintain it through out
the whole of my 2 years there...

God have mercy on me..May God bless me...Amin...

5:54 PM Z

Monday, October 11, 2010

.|.Fisrt Day Of A New Term.|.

What the hell! I posted this before typing anything out..
Macam tak lama kan aku! Okay..First day of new term..
Saw the cheeky faces of my SB chickies..It's been a while
since I saw them..Here's what I have to prepare myself
for..Number one,prepare myself for WFB (Writing for
Business),PYN (Physiology & Nutrition),MTY (Massage
Therapy) and ETY (Electro-Therapy)..Seemed like too
much...I have reports of at least 1000 words to do for
my PYN...Classes have yet to start and deadlines for that
report is out,10 December..LOL..

I'm gonna have to up my game this time round..Though I
have yet to know my result..But,it doesn't matter..The game
will go up a notch..I have 4 pointers to beat..And I definitely
have myself to beat the crap out..No more goofing around..
Time's not on my side..And I have to chase it..

Went back with my Love..My bestfriend that is..Shared a
lot of stories..Spooky stories while she was in Thailand..
Thank God everything's okay and she's back safely..We
have yet to go for our long planned karaoke session..One of
these weekends I guess before we both get all tied up with
this term's work loads...By hook or by crook or by any means
I want to know my results by tomorrow...I have too...I need
too..

Bye Bitchies! I'll see you when I see you... XoXo

7:26 PM Z

Sunday, October 10, 2010

.|.Awesome!!.|.

Yes...One word to describe my Blaze II camp...AWESOME!
Shit..I missed every single one of those I met and knew..
The things we did...Oh...Did I tell you that I did all those for
the first ever time in my life?? Some achievement there..And
I proved myself and of course,proved others wrong..I have
proven that we Beauty & Spa Management girls can do what
tough girls do..I flying-foxed,I sky-walked,I hill-trekked and I
climbed up a coconut tree...Happy? So from now on,don't go
looking down on any Beauty Therapy or Beauty & Spa
Management girls aiight?We can do what you think we can't
do *insert nigga lingo*..Hahaha..Okay..Made new friends..
Usual stuff...Worth the experience..And I have school tomorrow..
Shats!

Can I not go?LOL..I can't...Anyway,I got my results to be checked,
so definitely school for me as I forgot my student portal password..
How dumb can I get??Soooo...Goodnight sweet angels...

I'll see you when I see you.. XoXo

8:01 PM Z