The Girl Every Girl Wants To Be

A Little Thought

2011-02-11T22:46:00.002+08:00

Morning daisies..HAHA!It's exactly 10.57 as I'm typing
this..First and foremost,I'd like to congratulate my sis,
the journalsit turned magazine writer Shahida Sarhid
and husband for the arrival of their new born prince!
May he be blessed and may he brings blessings and joy
to the whole family..Okay...I swear I had things on my
mind to talk about..But..I just turned blank at this very
moment...So..Bye!

2011-02-05T20:49:00.002+08:00

I had the most wierdest yet scary dream last night..
I dreamt that my mum was on death bed..And when
I woke up,it felt as though I really had tears from my
eyes..For a moment I thought it was reality only to
see that my mum was sound asleep and snoring..Phew!
All praises to Allah S.W.T...If one day..She's gone..I'll
be on my own..At a very young age..Oh God,please
let her see her grandchildren..Let me make her smile,
happy and do her proud..Please don't take her any
time soon...Ameen..

Confused?

2011-01-30T12:40:00.004+08:00

Oh yes..Pretty much confused at this very moment..
Best described by Katy Perry's Hot And Cold..I rest
my bloody case..I'm in total lost for words...You are
just plain hopeless..Blinded by situation that's long
gone..That's it..I pack my bags and I'm 5 steps away
from out the door..I'd say the same for you..Pack
your bag,take your act with you and run along,Jack..

2011-01-23T22:04:00.002+08:00

Kadang-kala manusia sering lupa akan orang-orang
yang mengelilingi mereka..People tend to forget those
smaller people..I tak tau lah kenapa kan..But I think
it's sungguh amat menyedihkan..They tak tahu nak
menghargai mereka yang make an effort to be in their
life..And sometimes they overlooked orang yang ada
di hadapan mereka..Mungkin this is what I would call
these kind of people : Celik mata buta hati..Yes..Eyes
wide open but the heart is blind..Cuba lah..Cuba lah
ya,awak buka mata hati tu sikit..Perhaps then,you
wouldn't feel so lost and empty anymore..

Kesian I dengan orang-orang macam ni..

100th Post baby!!

2011-01-20T13:13:00.002+08:00

Hello sugar plums!This is my 100th post here.LOL..I
know I've neglected you dear bloggy..I missed you so
much okay?Haha..

So much have been happening..To begin with,o-o-
orientations baybeh!It was definitely a messy one..But
it was worth taking up that post/role as a chairman.
I shouted,I nagged and I've screamed and scolded..

Now that that's over,it's a relieve..One thing on my
mind now is to interview the new intakes..After that is
done,bonding time!

Over the weekends,I've been working..Helping Fina out,
covering her..I was at Expo hall 5..Promoting hand
bouquet made of clay,for not only wedding but any
occasion including funeral..Yes..The lady boss did made a
bouquet for a funeral..It was an awesomely great and
fun experience.Met a lot of new prospects..Made new
friends and potential partners/clients..

Unforgettable! I wanna do it again..I wanna meet those
people again!! I'm starting to miss them already..

Till we meet again,
I'll see you when I see you..

xOxO

Caught In Between

2011-01-17T21:06:00.002+08:00

I'm caught in between my responsibilities as a
Chairman for School of Business Leaders and
a rare opportunity to go for Blaze 3..Many envy
me..I'm aware..Not many get the chance to
go for it..Only 3..I rejected it once..It was offered
to me again..People say opportunities comes
knocking once..It knocked me twice..Oh dear!

Talked to Mr.Singh..Fina..Qinny...And Mum..
Mr.Singh said GO!! Fina told me to be greedy
an go get what I want (in a good way,I get what
she means)...Qinny told me that it came knocking
again on my door even after i backed out in the
first place..Mum..All she said was,don't think too
much..Just make a decision and move towards it..
Don't doubt myself and my decisions..

After much thoughts..And even more thoughts..
Here's the choice I made as a leader..Yes..I take
actions as a leader now..And as a leader I shall go
for my Blaze 3..Hang my Chairman post and leave
my Leaders for a week..Bear in mind,I'm leaving
them at a crucial time..April Orientation..I'll only
be back the day before school opens..Have mercy
on me!

It's made..It's done..I'm gone for it!

Women!!

2010-12-24T17:34:00.004+08:00

I am done reading he's just not that into you..
And I couldn't agree more on what had been
discussed in it..Women should never let
herselves be belittled by any man..No man
have any rights to demoralise a woman..Nor do
they have the authority to abuse a woman!

I'm gonna type out some things from the
book..Specifically from " Chapter 11 : He's just
not into you if he's a selfish jerk,a bully,or a
really big freak "

Quoted :
If you really love someone,you want to do
things to make that person happy

" He's got so much good in him. He really does.
I just wish he wouldn't tell me to shut up all the
time." Yeah, that's a problem. Try not to ignore
it. I now "he's got so many other great qualities."
That's why you fell in love with him in the first
place. I know you wouldn't fall in love with an asshole.
But here's the trick: Forget about him and his good
qualities. Even forget about his bad ones. Forget
about all his excuses and what he promises. Ask
yourself one question only: Is he making you happy?
People are complicated. They are a mixed bag of
lovable and dysfunctional qualities. That's why
they are so darn confusing. That's why trying to
figure them out is a waste of time. Is he making
you happy? I don't mean some of the time, on rare
occasions, not that often, "but the good still outweighs
the bad." Does he make it clear in his actions every
day that your happiness is important to him? If the
answer is no, cut him loose and go find a man with
a higher "good count."

There's lots of behaviour that can be considered
abusive that doesn't include being beaten about
the head and neck. That includes getting yelled at,
being publicly humiliated, or being made to feel
fat and unattractive or you're a burden to them. It's
hard to feel worthy of love when someone is going
out of their way to make you feel worthless. Being
told to get out of these relationships may not work
for you. Knowing that you're better than these
relationships is the place to start. You are better
than these relationships. "

No women should feel that she is not worth it..
No women should feel like she is a burden to her
man..And no man definitely have any rights or
power or authority (reason being : he's the head
of the family) to yell or abuse his woman be it
physically or verbally!

And man..Please..Don't think that you're such
a big power in the family..There wouldn't be
a family if there's no woman..Appreciate them
not emotionally torment and abuse them..

Personally,I'd leave these kind of men without
any second thoughts..It don't matter how much
I love them..How much it hurts..I don't give a
swine fuck! I deserve better!

Feels Crappy!

2010-12-22T20:54:00.003+08:00

*sob sob*

Pathetic!That's how I feel right this very

moment!I feel sick...I feel like I'm useless..

I feel like..I'm just...Forget it..It's one of

those days you just feel like you're nothing..

You are nothing..Somebody give me one
tight slap please!

I need to get on track real soon..Or else..I'll

keep feeling like this..Not healthy,people!

Tuesday Baby!!

2010-12-21T00:20:00.002+08:00

Helloooooooooo Tuesday!!!Ouh my..This is
making me nerveous..Why?Bacause...Soon,
December will come to it's end...It feels like
it was just yesterday that I set out to do my
higher nitec course..Now look where I'm at
already..Stepping into 2011 in days to come..

20th December 2010

2010-12-20T14:36:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to my dearest bestie
Nur Ashiqin Aziz!!! Happy 20th to you!
may you have a blast and blessed birthday!
Semoga Allah murahkan rezeki serta
kurniakan kau dengan kesihatan dan
kebahagiaan disamping keluarga tersayang..
Amin.

I woke up today crying..Feeling like a
piece of crap..Don't know why..And I
got fed up by people..Yes..So fed up..Let
me start with this..I know I stand out..How?
Because on the first day of school,I was
already nominated as the class chair,which,
of course,I rejected..I got far higher aim and
It's best to give others a chance..I'm not a
greedy girl..I know my charisma and qualities
shines..Every class events,I'll be the one to
either go or be in charge..But for this one
matter,I really raise my white flag..From the
begining..Some people need to realise that
as much as I am dependable,as much as I am
a dominant person,I know my limitations..I've
got a lot at hands right now..I can't possibly
be in charge of another event,right?And..When
I said "You take over..It's not a good choice to
put me up..I can't commit..I've got too much
commitments already"

You don't have to whine you know?I'm giving
YOU the spotlight..Take the chance...Just
because I always speak out,I always wanna
be the best and the first,doesn't mean I'm a
wonder woman..I set my focus and my
priority..I have an orientation to handle,plan
and make sure it runs like river water smooth..
And you expect me to run another thing..When
all I ask for is,you to do it..I'll guide if you're
not sure,but I can't give you my 100%..Take
that opportunity and use it well..It's not that I
dont appreciate or be thankful of all the
opportunities that comes knocking at my door..
I know it's a good exposure and stuff..But puh-
lease!Too much is too much yaw!

I know it's not easy to be the head of some
organization..I know they look up to me..But..
So many buts!But,why don't you step up and
realise YOUR potential instead?Find out what
you can actually do..Don't just depend on what
I can do..Because I believe I can do almost
anything..I have alot on my plate..So I'll share..
Don't worry..I will make you do what you're
suppose to do..I'm gonna be hard on you..Just
so you will take up that task..I don't care if
you're gonna think that I'm a bitch..I'll be the
bitch that,one day,when you look back,and
you're then a someone,you'll be thanking this
bitch for making you realise what you're
capable of doing..

I'm not boasting..I'm not thinking highly of
myself..I'm not good.I'm not perfect..But I
try,wait! I don't try,I DO it as perfectly as
possible...Though I know there's imperfections
and flaws..But I do it with my heart and soul..
With sincereity and passion..That,covers the
imperfections..

Which brings me to another matter..As a leader,
you are responsible for every actions you make..
You take...You do...I wonder why is it so hard
for people who wants to lead but can never take
charge of their own live?

Is it so hard to reply a text saying you've noted
the message that's been passed down to you?
You're a leader,do you think it's approproiate
for you to ignore what has been passed down to
you?Where's your sense of responsibility?Where
is that sense of respect and initiative?Where's
that sense of pride in doing something?

The big question is...Why are you here in the first
place?Put your hands close to your heart and ask
yourself..Listen to yourself..What makes you a
leader?I cannot change anything if you yourself
refuse to change..Leaders are born from within..
Feel it and then work towards it..That's all I can
say..You were chosen because we saw potential
in you..We saw something in you..Don't make us
think otherwise..

Mucho amor..Irah
xOxo

Sunday...Oh Sunday....

2010-12-19T18:53:00.004+08:00

It's a freaking Sunday evening..And my heart
is beating fast out of the blue..I just don't feel
good..Something's not right..Something's amiss.
Even breathing in makes me shiver..Ya Allah..
What wrong did I do now?Or,did any of my
loved ones got into trouble?Or...I'm the one
who's gonna get into trouble?I don't know!!
It just feels annoying...This feeling is killing!

Tak suka!!Tak suka!!Tak suka!!Hati tak
sedap..Duduk tak boleh diam..Tgk TV
fikiran melayang...Amacam?Ni feeling yang
tak handsome..Subhanallah...Apa agaknya
eh sebab sampai rasa macam ni?Sampai
tangan semua naik sejuk..Aduh mak...

I wish this feeling would just go off...Please!
I need to get away..That's it..PERIOD!!This
is more than what I can handle...

One day when you text me and I don't reply,
one day when you call me and couldn't get
through,one day when you find me and I'm
nowhere to be found..Just leave me as it is..
Leave me to find peace..Leave me to think...
Leave me with myself,to ponder,to wonder
and to cry..I may look like I can handle
anything..But the truth is..I...Can handle
nothing...I put up a wall between people and
myself..I restrict myself..I don't know why..
But thats how I felt..That's how my nature is..

If you're sincere enough..I'll fall into your
arms..You'll see who I am inside not just
the outside...

9 More Post

2010-12-18T23:49:00.002+08:00

I'll be writing my 100th post soon..As
soon as I get over 9 more post..Hahah..
Okay...Potluck Saturday was the kekek
-ness!! We ate and all..At the end of it..
Fina and I we were feeling feeling wine
tasting..and when Apit joined us...We got
down with our madness! We went DOWN
to drinking...Wintermelon..LOL..Yeap..And
we somehow enjoyed the company that
passers by would think we're either high
on ganja or we're drunk..

But the truth is..It's just awesome
company!Sayang no videos of what we did..
If not..You guys would have laughed at it
as well...

Total review : Awe to the SOME!!!

Last Day of School baby!!

2010-12-16T13:20:00.002+08:00

Oh yes!! It's finally the last day of school...No
school tomorrow people!! Thank You!!! LOL...
But any other way...I stilll need to make my
way down to school tomorrow..I'm gonna have
to breathe down my Vice-Chairman & Deputy
Vice-Chairman's neck..Before the holiday mood
really sets in and get the best out of them..

I need them to get me right for once..By hook..
Or by any bloody crook...Get it done..Or I'll
get you done..hehehe...Okay..So here's the
plan for tomorrow..After meeting,karaoke
with bestfriend Chikin!!!WAIT!!! kerching
ada or not?? hahaha!! Korek under pillow uh!!

After that..Saturday will be Potluck Saturday
with the Sentosa Peepos! Awesome huhh??
Yeay!! Amamzing bunch of fun people who've
worked with me!

Oh My mummy Gucci!! Potluck Saturday!!
What to bring??Or rather..WHAT to cook?
MAMPOS!!

Fire

2010-12-12T18:21:00.002+08:00

I'm done with reports! Yes..And December will
soon come to an end..Within one week,so much
has happened..And so much more will happen..
I hope more great things will happen..I'm not
looking forward to 2011..Nope..I've got alot that
needs to be done within 2010 and now,2011
is already marching in...Goodness...There are
things I wanna do..People I have yet to meet..

Dreams to chase..Yeah..I am still chasing that
dream of dancing..And that dream to make my
Mother a proud Mother..I'm struggling..Yet
deep down inside...I know that I'll make it..
I know I will get where I wanna get..Touch
what I wanna touch..I have always know this..

Don't stop dreaming..Don't ever lose that
dream..Keep the desire burning..Because
that dream and desire made me who I am
today..Quote to myself..

I've broke down twice in a weeks' time...
People see how vulberable I can be..Then
again..I'm human too...As much as I'm hard
on myself,I still have a heart...I have feelings..
And once in a while..It gets to me you know..

Anyway...I know things will get better..
Soon it will be goodbye 2010..Hello 2011..
(omg!! 9 months later I'm 21!! sheesh!)

Remember people :

Passion is Desire set on Fire that Drives you Higher

And I'm Crazy But You Like It.Loca Loca Loca!

2010-11-15T20:33:00.003+08:00

That's the song that I'm currently hooked on..Loca by
Shakira..School was okay,I guess..After school went to
Tampines to meet Fina..Had lunch along with a "meng-
umpat" session...We were "mengumpat-ting" about
DeeDee...Like what were you thinking DeeDee?!I'm
not that dumb..

Anyways..I think people are having problems with
themselves..That's why they're looking for trouble
with others..And they can be soooo judgemental that
I feel like slamming doors in their faces..People said
I'm arrogant,stuck up and even act like a know-it-
all..Firstly,urgh...I'm not arrogant which brings me
to second,I am so not a stuck up..If you're being a
bitch with me,don't go expecting me to be the nice
girl,okay...?If you can't handle what I give you,then
don't give me that in the first place..

Oh!Oh!Acting like a know-it-all?!Like what's that
suppose to mean?I don't act like a know-it-all...
I don't know it all and I definitely don't act like
you,girl...Na-uh..But take in consideration,I know
things...So if you don't mess with my life,I ain't
even going near yours...Kapeesh?

And some people can be such an ass..Seriously..
They're not sincere...I feel it..They had an agenda
behind it..I knew it..Okay..If someone who hasn't
been in contact with you for a very very long time..
Out of the blue,finds you..Of course there's some-
thing..Right?RIGHT??Especially when that someone
thinks that they're a fucking big hotshot..To find that
they're looking for you..Talking to you..Weird isn't it?

Oh..I'm sorry if you happen to read this..But hey...
It's a free country..I'm an independent women...I
have the right to say what I want..My apologies if
you're offended..Which I don't really care..Much..

Anywho...I want to spend time on the beach being
a nuisance..Disturbing people...L...O...L...Yes..I want
to sit by the beach,make kids cry,do silly stuff and
have my own time..With my peeps of course..They
know how crazy I can get and will get...And just laugh
at it..'Cuz when you look back,you won't regret the
laughter's you had..But you'll regret the tears you
had..So who's in?We'll play dares and do stupid stuff..
Read by the beach..Then flirt a little (of course if there
are ANY hot dudes)...

After that..We can all focus on our studies again..Bear
in mind,I still want that A's and 4.0..Again..

It's Almost Friday Again

2010-11-10T22:23:00.004+08:00

Time seems to pass extremely fast..Don't you think
so too?And life...Is not as it may seem...Sometimes
I wonder..What's the purpose of life...I wonder why
God made us as we are..I know I'm not suppose to
question..Kun Fayakun...But at times,I have to ask
myself,just so I can get myself closer to HIM..

There's a lot of why's..Why did HE gave us a life?
Why did this happened?Why are we doing this?
How can we,known someone for such a long period
and totally throw them out of our lives?Why?Why?
Why?Why do we meet the people in our live?Why
are we born with imperfections?Why some are
more fortunate than others?Why some are here
to cause us tears?Why are there those to hurt us?
Why are we living?Astaghfirullah Hal'Azzim!! May HE
forgive me..Yes..Things happen,though we avoid..We
will always regret what has happened...But do we think
about it years later?And understand that it might
had happened for the better?Most of us don't..

As manusia,banyak yang kita persoalkan..I don't
deny,as strong as my sayang to Allah S.W.T..I do
persoalkan sesetengah perkara..Like..How would
I be if I grew up with a father?How would my LIFE
be if I had a father?How would my family be if I
had a father?How is a father?What if I'm not the
only child?WHY don't I have a father?Why me?
Mempersoalkan terlalu banyak perkara yang kita
tidak mungkin temukan jawapan boleh menyebab-
kan kita hilang kepercayaan terhadap kuasa Allah..
Menyebabkan iman kita goyah..

And I know that HE's the only one I got right now,
selain Mama..And I know HE loves me so much so
that I menangis bila I tengok Al-Qur'an when I
balik from school...Aku seorang je sampai 2 Al-
Qur'an..Masya'allah...Teringin sangat nak peluk
Al-Qur'an tu..Tapi for now,cannot..Faham eh..hehe..
Don't know why..Hati terasa sayu gitu..Subhanallah..

I know I've abaikan Al-Qur'an for quite some time
now..Insya'allah..

Moody Monday

2010-11-01T20:35:00.002+08:00

I had the most tiring Monday ever...Went for SW
after like 4 weeks..And Mr.David Chee was nagging
like one "mak nenek"..I call him Miss Universe now..
Don't ask why...Had fun beating Iqah as both Irahs
are against her..Hehe..After that went to get some
food..Then off to class..

Saw Tawfeiq early in the morning before SW...And..
Saw "si kening Ziana Zain" after SW..He's still not
over with the CB thingy..Gimme a break dude..
Malu okay semua orang tahu..You drop my water
face...sheesh!

On the way to WFB,in the lift..Some people are
just retards,man...Pissed the hell outta me!!
Speechless...One word for them..BRAINLESS!!

Ended school at 2..Went to meet up with Love
on a very last minute note..Accompanied her
for lunch..Then off to home sweet home..Thank you
baybeh for the super abruptly short meet up..
;)

Now..I'm suppose to do researches on products for
my PYN..But...Whataheck!! I'll do it tomorrow,as
I need to get brochures and stuff...With all that,I
have to prepare a consultation card with details of
problems,habits,particulars and treatments
recommended for my client...

Oh..Just a reminder...I get pissed off easily now-
adays...Seriously..It's been this way since last few
months back,after I extracted out my wisdom
toothes..LOL..So..Don't....DON'T get on my nerves...
Please...Thank you thank you telor penyu...

Today Spells T.I.R.E.D = TIRED!

2010-10-28T20:34:00.002+08:00

I am so exhausted..Seriously..I have too much on my
head..School mostly..Projects,reports,events,CCA's
and studying to make sure I hit GPA of 4.0 again this
term...Bear in mind that I only have one brain..So
much information to store at such a short time..I have
Massage Therapy (MTY) that needs me to be an expert
in bones,joints,muscles and all those living organism
inside our body..Then comes Physiology & Nutrition
(PYN)..Case studies,researches-products,potential
clients,bla bla bla...Have to be handed in by 10 December.
Plus..I have to study on foods and diets..

Apart from these two..I still have Writing For Business
(WFB)..Oh my God! Ever so drying up my brain! I
also have to go through another drying theory class,
Electro-Therapy (ETY)..Therapy/Beauty machines...
As if thats not killing enough..I still have practicals for
MTY,PYN and ETY...And I have one term to fit all those
in,ace and hit the alphabet A and number 4 again..Yes..
I'm aiming for 4 again..I'm dreaming of A's again..With
God's will..Insya'allah..

It's been quite some times since I last touched the holy
Qur'an..I had intentions to open it up again..Tajwid
needs more working on..I'm still a human.I make
mistakes..I tend to abandon those important things
for my soul..Spiritually...But I NEVER forget ALLAH..
I never forget to begin everything in HIS favour..I
start every morning thanking HIM..I take my first sip
everyday with Bismillah..I study with nawa'itu..I cry
with prayers inside with a clear n sincere heart...I end
every steps,every readings and every day with Amin..
I sleep,leaving my life at HIS favour...I never forget..

Mungkin aku jauh dari DIA..Tapi aku dikurniakan
IMAN yang cukup dariNYA..Alhamdullilah..Sejauh
ni iman aku teguh...Insya'allah..

Finally Friday!

2010-10-22T22:27:00.003+08:00

Oh yeah! It's finally Friday people!I'm over with
school today..Went to Tampines with the Boxhill
students..Had awesome fun and bonding..But I
had to leave first as I had made plans earlier to
meet up with Fina..So when I was about to bail...
We hugged and Melissa said "we're not your friends
then?" Awww...That touched me..You guys are my
friends!My new found friends! Brilliant week! Found
so many brilliant new friends!!

I guess they continued doing some rounding of the
area..I reached Orchard Central around 4 plus..
Sat and talked..Accompanied Fina,who doesn't
have much sales...God bless...LOL..

What else?Oh..I was soaked to the skin early in the
morning while on the way to school..How envious
the day is towards me??And as I blog,now...I kinda
don't feel so good..Shiat! I've got important matters
tomorrow! Please don't fall sick!

Anyways..Saw Faris...For the second time in school..
He played with my bangs.. -_-"
I kinda find him cute..Hahaha..

I think I have a crush on him...

Ok..Good night! Looking forward to next week..

Tired Hazey Thursday

2010-10-21T22:40:00.003+08:00

This Thursday was a super tired one..Plus..The haze is
killing me,man..I was tired I think due to yesterday..
But the haze..Oh my DnG!Made me giddy by just going
out of class on the 5th floor of school..It's super thick..
The worse haze I've ever experienced in my whole 20
years...

Today..I found out something as well..But I ain't gonna
say no nothin' just yet...We shall wait and see..But do
pray for the best for me aiight?Thank you..

Apart from that..I learned something from Ms Eng's
MTY theory lesson..Our bones are not completely
grown till we reach 25..So......This means...I have 5 more
years to do something,drink more calcium and lead a
healthy life to grow taller...YES!! I have 5 more years to
grow TALLER!!! I still have the chance!! What a good
subject!! I'm so loving that lesson!! Hahaha...Ok..I'm
gonna shut up now!

Yeay!!! I got 5 more years to
still grow taller!!!!!!!!!!

A New Friend

2010-10-20T21:55:00.001+08:00

Hey! Today was awesome!! Yes,awesome...I went for the
Hair Fashion & Design..After that's all done..went to have
super late lunch with Audrey..It was nice to just sit down
and talk..We were like getting to know who each other
really are..I guess it's a good thing that we both are
involved with the show..At least we get to know the real
us..We've never really talked..But yesterday..I shall
cherish it..Looking forward to the next rehearsal!It'll
be next week on the 25th and 26th..Then 27th is the real
deal..

2010-10-16T16:12:00.002+08:00

Suara mampu mengungkap sejuta kata..Suara dapat
menyampaikan kebencian..Suara mengubat rindu...
Namun suara tak mampu mengucap kata hati..Cinta..
Cinta dilafaz tanpa suara hati,hanya kata-kata di
telinga..Cinta bukan dilafaz dengan suara tapi melalui
degupan nadi.Cinta tak punya satu kata,ia tak
terkata.Cinta...Adalah cinta..Hanya cinta..Tak
seorang manusia pun yang tahu apa erti cinta itu
sesungguhnya...

Cinta usah dipaksa..Cinta tidak memaksa...Cinta
datang tanpa diundang.Cinta datang bila tidak
disangka..Cinta terjadi begitu sahaja..Sama ada
sedar atau tanpa disedari..Cinta tersembunyi
di balik canda tawa..Cinta tersembunyi di balik
senyuman..Cinta..Kadang kala disedari terlambat..

Broken Heart

2010-10-14T21:29:00.004+08:00

When pieces fall..There will be someone who'll pick it up for
you..I don't know why..While having late lunch with Qinny,
we talked and talked..And at one point..I just burst into
tears...I'm going through so much...Yet I want to burden no
one..Not everybody knows this...So I'm gonna be frank
about it..I've lived my life without a father..And I've lived
my life hard..I had to put things I loved aside just so I
get bills paid..The moment I was legal to work,I started
earning..This might sounds cliche..But until today,whatever
earnings I received,not even a penny I hold...I willingly
give it all up to my mother...I know she needs it more..I
spent my school days on an empty stomach,feed with
tears..But not once did I complained..

I might act childish,and pampered,but that's just a way to
hide all those tears,all those sorrow..The world is already
a sad place,I ain't gonna make it even sadder..I'm no
sadist..And when we talked about people not appreciating
what they have or given...It just triggered those emotions..
I am girl who has NOTHING! Everyday i go to school,I'll
always have this in my head "today is gonna be over,will
I still be able to pull through tomorrow? Will I be able to
get my studies done? I have till 2012 to survive..Will I?"

With $200 a month to settle bills,expenses and even
households...I cry every night of every day...I pray to
God..That somehow,somewhere...Someone will come along..
Lightens the weights I held...I thank God for every door
HE has opened for me...Every opportunity HE has laid for me..
But right now..I just don't know what I wanna do..Ok...So right
now..Apart from that $200,I get $15 per hour from teaching..
But that's not gonna be enough...And I can't possibly go on
tiring myself out..I'll end up abandoning my studies..Which is
not what I wanna do..

I don't know...I really...Don't know..Where do I go from here...
Who do I go to from here?Who do I seek strength from?Who's
gonna pick up those fallen pieces of mine?Who's eyes do I
seek to find peace?Sometimes I just wanna hide..

I just wanna cry now...

God have mercy on me...

Random Feelings Of the Moment

2010-10-12T20:56:00.004+08:00

Arrogance have always been associated with me by those
who first saw me..That's what they thought..I do admit
that I put a wall between people and myself..Not that I
can't open up and go out of my comfort zone..It's just that
I have been hurt once too many times..That I find it hard
to trust others..The only person I can trust is myself..
Those who know me now,somehow,know why I was like
that then..Words are weapon..And words was used on me.
From words come sentence,there on a rumour that I wished
not to mention,starts going around..It tore me apart..

It took me quite the time to mend myself back..That was
when things change..I no longer was that geek next door..
I no longer was the sweet nice girl they used to know..I
took a transformation of a years ahead changing..Slowly..
Things weren't the same..I was a rebel..I say what I
wanna say...I do what I feel like doing..I couldn't give a
hoot about what others had to say about me..And I am
pretty much aware that some just hate me..Some envy me..
Some..Just had empathy for me..I'm still searching for me..
I don't know who am I..What am I..But I know,you do not
deserve my time of worth if I just felt that way..

Yes..I'm a girl who relies big time on my animal instinct..
I'm a loose canon..Raw and untamed..Naive and vain..I
know,the combination's a confusion...But that's what I am..
pretty much,somehow,confused yet at the same time,I know
what I want..Don't try to understand me if you don't think
you'll ever understand yourself because I think everyone's
a lil' confused about themselves...

Hatred burns within me..It's a spark waiting to grow bigger..
Ultimately,I just hate everything..I hate you..I hate her..I
hate him..I hate myself...And every second of every minute
of every hour of the days and months and years,I've been
competing with myself..I'm never satisfied..I'm never good
enough..I'm never pretty enough..I am never smart enough..
I'm never...Worth it...I guess if no one comes along,who can
actually impact me,this will go on and on and on...And soon,
I'll get eaten up by myself...Oh! I don't know!!

I need to put an end to this shit..I'm pushing myself too
hard..I'm putting too much weight on myself..And I'm
effing throwing myself the extend of almost breaking
down..I wonder what devil in me that keeps me going..
Forcing myself to be a bitch..I think I need help...But
my ego's too FAT! It'll hurt my ego if I were to seek help
from even a close friend..That's why I'm always keeping
myself busy..Avoiding those around me as much as possible..

Whatever it is...Don't put any hopes on me..Don't have any
faith in me..Don't believe me..

Aku wanita biasa...Aku tak sempurna..Aku ada kekurangan..
Dan yg paling ketara..Aku ada masalah dengan diri aku..
Kalau kau pilih untuk berada di samping aku,disamping hidup
aku...Just prepare for the worse..Okay..Jangan harap apa-apa
dari aku..

Happy!

2010-10-12T17:54:00.003+08:00

Finaly I get to check my result! And I'm speechless...I was
aiming for a GPA of 4..I was aiming for all A's..But to actualy
get All A's with one distinction and that GPA of 4..It's a wow
feeling...I never really expected it to turn out the way I
envisioned it...Now the plan is to maintain it through out
the whole of my 2 years there...

God have mercy on me..May God bless me...Amin...

Fisrt Day Of A New Term

2010-10-11T19:26:00.001+08:00

What the hell! I posted this before typing anything out..
Macam tak lama kan aku! Okay..First day of new term..
Saw the cheeky faces of my SB chickies..It's been a while
since I saw them..Here's what I have to prepare myself
for..Number one,prepare myself for WFB (Writing for
Business),PYN (Physiology & Nutrition),MTY (Massage
Therapy) and ETY (Electro-Therapy)..Seemed like too
much...I have reports of at least 1000 words to do for
my PYN...Classes have yet to start and deadlines for that
report is out,10 December..LOL..

I'm gonna have to up my game this time round..Though I
have yet to know my result..But,it doesn't matter..The game
will go up a notch..I have 4 pointers to beat..And I definitely
have myself to beat the crap out..No more goofing around..
Time's not on my side..And I have to chase it..

Went back with my Love..My bestfriend that is..Shared a
lot of stories..Spooky stories while she was in Thailand..
Thank God everything's okay and she's back safely..We
have yet to go for our long planned karaoke session..One of
these weekends I guess before we both get all tied up with
this term's work loads...By hook or by crook or by any means
I want to know my results by tomorrow...I have too...I need
too..

Bye Bitchies! I'll see you when I see you... XoXo

Awesome!!

2010-10-10T20:01:00.003+08:00

Yes...One word to describe my Blaze II camp...AWESOME!
Shit..I missed every single one of those I met and knew..
The things we did...Oh...Did I tell you that I did all those for
the first ever time in my life?? Some achievement there..And
I proved myself and of course,proved others wrong..I have
proven that we Beauty & Spa Management girls can do what
tough girls do..I flying-foxed,I sky-walked,I hill-trekked and I
climbed up a coconut tree...Happy? So from now on,don't go
looking down on any Beauty Therapy or Beauty & Spa
Management girls aiight?We can do what you think we can't
do *insert nigga lingo*..Hahaha..Okay..Made new friends..
Usual stuff...Worth the experience..And I have school tomorrow..
Shats!

Can I not go?LOL..I can't...Anyway,I got my results to be checked,
so definitely school for me as I forgot my student portal password..
How dumb can I get??Soooo...Goodnight sweet angels...

I'll see you when I see you.. XoXo

Put You Act Together Sister!

2010-09-29T20:33:00.002+08:00

You! Hey! Yeah you! God..Girls...Girls...Girls....We can be the ones
ruling the world,we can also be the one who are just stupid at times..
Yes..We can be SO stupid that I really don't know what to say
when I encounter one stupid incident..Here's the thing..I don't
know if you're reading my blog,but if you do..I'm sorry babe..But I
need to knock some sense..

This friend of mine..Met someone over the weekend..Kinda fell for
him..They exchange numbers and all...She was on cloud nine
thinking that he too likes her (I know at this point I'm starting to sound bitchy)
and when she soon found out that he only regards her as a lil' sister
and that he recently got back with his ex,she was heartbroken..Like
unbelievably heartbroken..Ya'll know the kind of heartbroken
whereby long relationships are involved?Like those 6 years or so..
Yeah..Those kind...I mean,c'mon..You can go ahead and like some-
one you've just met..But any girls know that its only the attraction
of the hormones..Especially those first few meetings..Nothing can be
based upon feelings just yet...It's attraction based on lust..A nicer
word would be desire..

We've all been there I'm pretty sure of it..I've been there myself..And
I pretty well know that we make these kinds of mistakes way back in
our secondary days..Back when we're younger,naive,vain as ever and
stupid... -_-" Yes..Those were the glorified horrified days..I have
done that mistake of falling for someone whom I just met..And was
utterly entertaining my own feelings..Which of course,flown me over
the moon before crash landing me on the road called heartbreak
avenue..

Surely we all learn something from there,don't we?NEVER put high
hopes,correction,DON'T even hope for anything with someone you
just met..What more,yet to know..Lets talk serious shit here..You've
been in more relationship than I have,you should know better than
me..Don't tell me you've learnt nothing from your past relationships?
We're big enough to know what's good and what's bad,what's right
and what's wrong and we definitely are big enough to differentiate
between "falling in loving" and "attracted" to someone..And don't
tell me it's cause maybe you're lonely...Don't gimme that crap..Yes,
we all need coaxing and pampering from that someone we call
special..We need to be loved and cared for..From the other half..

Keep it real,girl..Don't fall to be someone who's desperate for love
and attention..Wake up..If you're lonely..Have you ever thought of
those who are left ALONE by their loved one..Those who have nobody
else to depend on..Those who are abandon and unwanted by the
whole world (their circle of world that is)?Now they're lonely.. If you're
lonely..Think again..You have people around you who care,those
who would accompany you in laughter and tears alike..The right
person will come when the time is right..Okay..Maybe he came in
when you're feeling like crap..So what?! That does not gives you the
liberty to waste yourself,girl..

Girl,you're not gonna be a girl for any longer..You're gonna grow to
being a woman...Make sure you bring your mentality to growth as
well...I know you're smart..Don't let me think otherwise..

If you're single and you wanna use that as a reason to waste yourself..
Give one wake up slap for yourself...I'm single too,but that doesn't
give me the reasons to let myself get hurt..Being single gives you the
chance to explore the possible possibilities out there..Just like food...
You don't just go to one place and get yourself the same cuisines over
and over again,right? You taste cuisines from all over the island..Only
when you have tasted enough that you will go back to the ones that
captured your tastes buds..Don't get me wrong..I'm not asking you to go
around with boys and go breaking their hearts..I'm just telling you to
embrace being single..Embrace who you're able to meet and get to
know..You'll never be able to know as much people as you can when
you're tied..You know what I mean..There's always restrictions....

Go ahead and enjoy life...Keep a positive attitude..Do what you loved
doing most and see what being single and "lonely" brings to your
doorstep...You'll never guess what the future holds for you..

XoXo
I'll see you when I see you

HAPPY 20TH TO ME!!

2010-09-21T23:13:00.003+08:00

21st September!! My digits just hit the 2...Yes..I have officially turned 20
today...Gawd!!2-0!! Shiat...Ouh well...Life has to go on..Like stars in
Hollywood...I'll always be 17...Hihik..So yeah..To top the chart off,I have
received a huge amounts of digits as well on my e-mail and my facebook
wall...And here are the lists...

E-mails - 160 E-mails received
It came in continuously,so I can't be bothered to read it up...Because it all
came from one cause for on one matter...Facebook..

Yes..those were the digits of my facebook notifications...After much eye sores
from continuous refreshing of page,this is the lucky numbers that I have
accumulated!

Birthdays wishes - 91 wishes

I wonder if I'd hit 100 by midnight?? HAHAHA!! Too ambitious!91 is already
a gigantic amount of wishes for one to receive..Okay!Breaking news...The
numbers just went up..Its 93 now...There we go..93 is a BIG amount of wishes
to be getting...And truly..I'm in awe and I'm sincerely touched...Hence I made
the effort to actually replied each one of the wishes...Yes I did...For a moment
there I felt like a star...For a moment though...For a moment...

I'd like to say thank you to each and every one of those 93 people who wished
me on my 20th birthday... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I'd also like to say an even greater thank you to Nur Ashiqin Aziz,for the little
surprise mini celebration you brought to my doorstep...Yeah..She came to my
house,with a cake..Made me blow candles...And a sweet present from her...

Babe,I'm really touched by what you've done today..I am blessed to have some-
one like you as a best friend...I wasn't expecting that,nor did I see it coming...I
really had a good time today..The gift..Is just so beautiful..Loved it so so much..
Thank you...That's all that I can say..I have no words that can describe my
gratitude and feelings...I love you and you know that...Thank you once again...
*love*

A shout out to my "favourite" nephew,Haikal,don't think he'll read my blog..But
anyway,this is for him who shares the same birthday as me..Three years apart...
Happy 17th birthday to you bodoh! May you be a better and not so "SELENGE"
after these years to come..AMIN!!

Happy 20th to me..Thank you 93 people! Godd bless you all...God Bless Singapore...
God bless America! and god bless the whole universe...

Boo huhu.. :(

2010-09-17T17:58:00.002+08:00

Yes...Boo huhu...I received an SMS from ________ saying that I'm one of the
shortlisted models for a catwalk show on the 25th of September..And was
informed to go for fitting on the 19th..Sadly,I have to reject it..With a heavy,a
really really heavy heart as I have to work on the day of the show..So there is
no way for me to not go to work and go for the show..I'm super down now..That
catwalk show was like THE much awaited opportunity..THE opportunity of a
lifetime to finally get a chance of being exposed...And yet I have to shrug it off...
*bangs head on keyboard*

Why oh why it has to clash...Can I cry?Okay..So I told the lady in charge that
I'm deployed for work..And that I'm truly sorry for not telling her earlier..As I
typed that reply text and finishes it with "maybe I can work with you for future
events"..I was reluctant and hesitating to hit the "send" button...But.....I did it
anyway...*slaps face hard* That's life...You gotta make choice that you might
not like to make..You pushed opportunities for you're obligated to another...
Though it's hard and bitter,you either swallow it like a woman/man or you go
blind crying and get left out regretting like a sissy pussy...Get it?

Okay...I'm so not gonna spend time getting all worked up and sad and being
overly disappointed..I'll get over and done with right here right now...And
when I finally post this entry...I'll take a deep breathe and have a little faith
that I didn't make any wrong decisions or wrong moves..Peace out...Go out???
Hahaha! Whatever kiddies!

XoXo
I'll see you biatches when I see you!

Lost For Words

2010-09-14T23:54:00.006+08:00

I don't know where to start off...Okay...First of all..Congrats to my dear friend
Tini,for getting your hands held again..I do wish and pray for the best for you
sweetspie..She got her hands held on her 20th birthday,which was on the 11th
of September..What a present!I have yet to receive mine...Oh!I'm turning 20
as well...Like real soon..In a week's time..Can I not turn 20?just yet...Haha...
That's so not gonna happen..

Mundane Monday was when I had my one and only paper that I had to sit through..
Been mugging for the few nights prior..And finally it's done!I think I did well for
it..Hopefully I will get a pleasing result...*fingers crossed* Now that that's done,
I'm having my term break..Till,the 12 of October if I'm not mistaken..I'll be involve
in the F1 event this year..So that's a birthday present for me..It's happening on the
24 to 26 September 2010..Which is 3 days after my 20 birthday..Guess my holiday
are pretty much taken up with events and stuff...

I've a briefing to attend on the 22nd September for my Blaze II Camp,held over
in Bintan from 4th to 7th October..And in between I have "meetings" to attends..
With an associate of mine..Yeah..There goes my holiday...

Holidays and schedules aside...This year..I have no clue as to why,I hated Hari Raya
so much..I feel like the grinch of Christmas...Except that,I'm the "grinch" of Hari
raya..I hate when people come to my house..I hate when my mum ask me out to go
visiting..I HATE when people celebrates Hari Raya..Goodness!Somebody gimme a
hard spanking!It's just that feeling of being so annoyed,so intimidated by the whole
Hari Raya thingy....

Oh..last thing before I go..Mum talks about boyfriend with me...THAT'S SOMETHING
YOU DONT'T GET EVERYDAY! Hahaha! Yes..My Mum talks about boys as in,boys
boys..Get it?Oh...Forget it...

XoXo

Catch Up!

2010-08-19T13:08:00.002+08:00

Hey! Yeah..I know..I know...It's been super long since the previous
post..And I'm also wondering who's still coming to this almost outdated
blog of mine..That aside..I'm having my two weeks holiday thanks to
the ever so grand YOG..One week almost gone..It's the fasting month
now and I've yet to start fasting..Been "away" on monthly cycle for the
first 3 days..There onwards..I was sick..Recovering as we speak...I don't
have a clue as to why lately I've been falling sick easily..Too much school
perhaps...LOL...Yes...School has been hectic..Early classes that ends late..
Like,8.30 a.m to 5 p.m..Sometimes it stretches to 6 or so..Adding to that..
I skipped my breaks..So..Three words only..Serve me right..

Oh!This year..For my birthday..Which,of course,is still a long way ahead,
I already have something in mind..I've made up my mind..Im gonna keep
reminding myself about it..No one's going to hold me back...I think I have
sacrificed too much..So here's a glimpse of what I wanna do for my birthday..
Go to the website and you'll get a hint...

http://www.actfa.com/

I promise I'll do more updating...See you when I see you!

-xoxo-

Paying A Lil' Visit..hehe...

2010-07-08T20:44:00.005+08:00

Boo!It's been effing long...I know..I
noticed the dust build up in here...
*blow* There we go..All cleared up..
Sorry...I've been busy these few
weeks..With Camp,surgery,appoin-
ments and school...Not only have I
neglected this blog of mine..I felt
also somehow,I have neglected my
two best friends as well..I'm sorry
if we seem to be drifting apart..I
hope we are not...I need you girls
to know that I'm not pulling myself
away from you guys..As much as I
want it to be like the old times..I
know things have changed now..
We're all busy with our classes...
Dee and I are working...And..Our
timetable..It is just envious toward
us..On most days,we don't end class
at the same time..Wednesdays only...

That too if both Dee and I are not
working..But you girls have to wait
an hour more for me..Back then..Our
hope was Fridays...But...MY class end
at tragically 5 p.m... -_-" Weekends
will be either working and Family day..
We are being tested here...Our friend-
ship/sisterhood are being tested very
toughly...I just prayed everyday that
we can adapt to these timing changes
and pull through these two years..'Cuz
it's gonna be even more tough n different
once we are all in the working industry...

At least the two of you still can
spend time with each other even
though it's during lessons time..
At least you meet each other more
often than I get to meet you two..

However the situation is right now...
I truly wanna say this to the two of you

Thank you for the finally happened
catch up yesterday!Like yes!Finally
the three of us gets to sit down and
camwhore and do those stuffs we do..
Appreciated much..Cherished and
treasured deeply...Thank you again...

;)

Anyway...I've been doing a lot of deep
thinking..I did a lot of sacrifices back
then...I used to studied dance at Sri
Warisan..But I left halfway through...
Due to financial instability...Now...I
felt that I have sacrificed too much
already,and its time that I shine...I
told my mum that I wanted to start
dancing again...This time round I'm not
wanting to do traditional dance...I want
to learn Salsa first...I just told her that..
But this is what I didn't tell her..I did
not tell her that I intend to do dancing
professionally...Able to go for dancing
competitions..And..Of course,able to
teach dancing...

Yes...I want to be a professional dancer,
besides being a professionally certified
beautician..I want to be both..I want to
be versatile...In the ways that I like...
In future,I still want to own a 5 star
world class Spa (the world class,hopefully),
I would love to have my own makeover
studios offering the finest photo shoots
that will make anyone feels like they're
Tyra Banks,it'll be an achievement if I
progressed to have a place to call my own
where it caters European desserts/bites
with live band performance and to
give back what I have...I want to teach/
train future potential dancers...

But ultimately,I want to go to Hollywood...
Even if it's only for competitions..I want
to feel living the Hollywood dream..See it
for myself...I believe I can do it...I believe
that there's a place for me in Hollywood..
But if I'm not seen there..You know I have
made it somewhere else..

These are my dreams..People might say
it's to much..But who are you to stop my
dream?It's my dream,I can dream as far
as Hollywood as big as being a Hollywood
Star...It's my dream and I will do whatever
in my power to make it real...I am not
sacrificing anymore...

Because it is MY dreams!!

I thank God 'cuz I have a very supportive
Mum...When I told her..She didn't say that
she encourages it and she didn't say no
either..But I know she supports whatever
I do and wanna do..I thank her for being
that mother who always let me decide on
what I wanna do,what I wanna study..I
thank her for giving me trust..And I thank
her,for being a very supportive mother...
Asmah Bte Ali,I appreciate you giving birth
to me..I love you....

These Moments Are Perfect...These Moments...Are Head-Banging!

2010-06-05T19:52:00.003+08:00

I'm having knocked liked headache..
It occurs every few minutes..It hurts
a hell lot..And I just feel like shutting
myself down..LOL...Anyway...I want
to have my own talk show please!!
Yes!Yes! I want to host my own show!
Just like Oprah n Tyra...A one woman
talk show..I'll start small..I'll start
with maybe a web show? Hehe..

Any kind souls out there want to
realise my dreams?You're welcome
to do so..If our negotiation comes
to a win win..

Okay...That was random..But I do
want it..So Irah O-U-T! Take care
people..

2010-05-30T16:01:00.003+08:00

Look into these eyes and you'll see
that I'm just as vulnerable as any-
one else.Look closely then you'll
notice how I've tried to hide.And
when you've finally realised love
when you look long enough into my
eyes,you'll come to see how much
sorrow I've been through in my life...
If you look even deep enough..

Guilty As Charged

2010-05-21T21:34:00.002+08:00

I've been getting sick every week..
It's kind of pathetic yo know..Curse
that monomer! Haha...I won't be
going for work tomorrow..Sunday
maybe..I'm just too tired to go
endure a long day at work..I might
have to consider schooling full-time.
But I sayang my working place..-_-"
(Sneezing and yawning at the moment)
Anyway...I need my break...SOON!!
Can't wait for June holiday...I want
to do some catching up with my
writing..Still,that depends on whether
or not my inspiration is coming..Ahaha..

But it's a for sure that I'll start writing
again..I missed writing so much..
And I think the tabloids miss my touch
as well..Haha..Okay..Maybe I exaggerate
a little there...Right now,I'm looking
and observing and recalling for an
inspiration to drop by...And yet again..
It hasn't been visiting me on a regular
basis for the past 3 years..Yeah..
Three years ago was the last time I
write..I'm not even sure if my skills
are still in good to use condition..Haha..
No matter what,I'll still start doing it
again..Regardless what the outcome's
going to be like..

Right now,I'm feeling lethargic..I feel
like banging my head on the keyboard..
And zonk off to sleep..I'm typing and
my eyes are shutting..Imagine that..I
really need to recharge myself!!Some-
body,anybody...Help me here!I need
a body massage,I need a good facial
treatment and I need a Pilates
workout!Yes yes yes! I need those...
And I need to start socializing...I
find myself begining to be anti-
socializing nowadays..Basically,I
need time for myself..Mentally,
physicallyand emotionally..

------------NEWSFLASH----------------
Just got an SMS from work..It reads :
With effect from next week,all HREs
must commit to minimum 3 working
days per week out of which one day
must be a weekend. ______ will
track & deploy staff accordingly..All
availability must be given to her for a
month & not daily,please text ______
at ________ asap on your availability.

What the hell!!! Commit 3 days??Commit
suicide??And Give availability for a
month and no longer daily?As if my school
timetable won't have any extra classes
added on..Say I've given my deployment
for a month,then I got classes popping
up out of nowhere...I'll still be the one at
fault and be blamed..Am I RIGHT to say
this??Okay..Maybe this is a sign for me to
change my status to a full time student..
What say you?Full time student instead of
working student?All this happenings is
happening all at once...God must have
blessed me...*Deep thinking mode*

Okay..That NEWSFLASH totally spoils
everything..Spoils my mood,my plans
and bottom line : EVERYTHING!

BYE!!!

Random

2010-05-20T20:54:00.002+08:00

This is super random..I have no idea
as to what I want to blog about..Too
much is actually happening..Firstly,
school has been hectic..As you
know my timetable is hell..Secondly..
I finally made my comeback special
appearance to work..LOL..Yeah..I went
to work yesterday..Worked with Patrick
doing GR at BEACH!..Shamihah was
the I/C...Laughed with her because of
one incident during the SOS holding
crowd moment...5 trains was used to
clear the crowd yesterday...Shamihah
counted..

I was left alone there for a moment
'cuz Shamihah went to Imbiah (Imbiah
no I/C) So..I also feeling2 I/C for a
moment..Cuz the one at ticketing with
Ting was an OJT..Patrick just started
working there..LOL! I jaga everyone's
break time..HAHAHA!!It was a nice
feeling you know..Haha...After She came
back..I had to become the transporter..
Take and send things to and from Imbiah
to Beach..Soon after that it was already
time for me to go off duty...I was super
worn out..I slept like a pig..Though school
started at 2 p.m today I still couldn't wake
up..

My classmates commented that I looked
sleepy today..Yes..I was sleepy...I can't
wait for June holiday..But againn...I'll be
tied up with some school projects and
work...And studying...And my wisdom
teeth...And............The list goes on...
Okay...I swear I'll be talking crap soon..
'Cuz I really don't know what to blog about..
I guess this is the part where I'm going to
say goodbye..

GOOD NIGHT & GOOD BYE!

Malam

2010-05-16T22:56:00.003+08:00

Andai malam tak bercahaya..
Andai malam tak berangin..
Andai malam tak terang kembali..
Andai malam tak memberiku pagi
untuk bangun lagi..
Andai malam ini..Tiada esok bagi ku..
Ku ingin memberitahumu bahawa...
Ku sayang padamu..
Ku rindu padamu...
Ku cinta padamu..
Biar malam jadi saksi..
Biar keheningannya menemani..
Biar malam menyepi..
Biar airmataku mengalun irama..
Biar malam.....
Menjadi tempat aku mengadu duka...

Andai Itu Sudah Tertulis

2010-05-16T21:18:00.002+08:00

Bila nanti aku hilang,carilah aku

dengan doa doa mu..

Bila nanti aku mati,hidupkanlah

aku di ingatanmu...

Bila nanti aku ditanam,tanamlah

aku di dalam hatimu...

Dan bila nanti aku tak kembali,

usah merinduiku..

Keikhlasan harus ada...Satu ku pohon..
Tak banyak yang ku mahu..Hanya itu..
Kerana aku tahu..Setiap yang aku
lakukan,setiap yang aku ucapkan,setiap
yang aku berikan..Aku ikhlas..Tak
pernah aku mempersoalkan sesuatu
yang engkau lakukan..Tak pernah aku
ragui..

Jangan kau bimbang,di mana ku berada..
Dengan siapa ku bersama..Jangan lupa
aku tetap kau yang punya...

Hellow Wellow Mellow Marshmallows!!

2010-05-13T21:20:00.002+08:00

What the hell!! I know...Haha..Been
busy with school..(macam paham)..
Haha...Yes I've been busy...School's
timetable is really a killer!I can
only work on Wednesdays and
Saturdays..Sometimes..ONLY
Saturdays...Bahh!!I haven't had the
time for myself and for Lovelies...
It's a sad situation...But...That's life..
I have to move forward with it...

I have a few things on my planner...
A few MAJOR things..Once it's a
confirm...I'll blog about it..Right now..
I'm kind of feeling hopeless...I hate
this feeling!! Yes!!I feel like giving
up on that matter..But I don't want
to let that matter go..It's so heavy!
So how?It has been 2 years already...
2 years and I still want to hang on to
it..But half my heart tells me to just
forget about it...

Forget it!!

Hello Hello Marshmallows!!

2010-05-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Hello...Hi...How are you people doing?Good?
Glad to hear that..Anyway..A lot has been
happening..Yesterday went to work..Did SOS
ticketing..And it was my turn to encounter...
Drum roll please!! SONGS OF THE DICK!!!
I almost laughed my pants off while attending
to that guest...Oh my goodness...Overall...Had
a great time working with my sister,Fina,we
both did closing,Nadhira,Lobak and Lalitha the
Lolitha..Fina??Haha...As usual..After work,Fina
and I we'll go for dinner...We had a long talk..
We always had long talks over dinner...But
yesterdays' was a little bit different..

That aside..It's between us..I reached home
at 12.40 a.m...Bahh!!What to do..That's my
life..Hahaha...I'm not complaining though...
Now..My current plan is to do superbly well,
get straight A's,a GPA of 4,maintain that GPA
of 4 for two years,get scholarship from AMES
International who is managing London & New
York and do my CIDESCO Diploma all within
the next two years..Can I do it?I believe I can..
And so I WILL do it!Insyaallah...Amin...

Therefore...I need moral supports..I need those
whom I know care for me to be by my side...
Encouraging me..I need them to be my pillars
of hope,supports and strength..I need them to be
with me if not physically,in prayers...I want them
to still be by my side,I NEED them to BE by my
side when times get tough,when they are aware
that I will not have time for them,yet still strong
with me..Even though when I'm busy and have
absolutely no time at all for them,they still be by
my side all the way...When they know that they
are no longer my second priority,they will still be
there for me for that moment of time..I hope they
can understand..And I hope they give me their
blessings and prayers...I pray they'll stick with me...
I really hope they understand..I really do...

And to Mama,Lovelies,Siblings & to whoever else...
I want you to know..That what I do..I do it for you...
What I want and will try to do...I do it for you...Of
course its for me also..But its for you because I want
to make you proud..I want to give you a better life,
Mum...I want you to be treated like a queen,Mum..
And to all..I hope you can understand and bless me..
I hope you understand that I will not be spending
much time at home,as I'll be schooling and working..
And trying to pursue my scholarship and that
CIDESCO Diploma...And I hope that whatever
decisions I am to make,you will accept it with an open
heart..I just need you to be there always for me...
To give me hope,lift me up and "charge" me when
I'm weak...

Can you do that?I don't think I'm asking for much..
Thank you..And..Always remember that I will always
love you...No matter how apart we may be/going to
be..We'll get through these times together...This I
promise..The same I wish from you guys..

Right from the heart,

Darling♥

Verge Of Breaking Down

2010-05-02T14:23:00.002+08:00

I cried two days ago..I cried myself to bed
for the past two days...I don't know why...
But I felt so incomplete...I felt..I felt that I
lack of something..Then I realised..How much
had happened within the 19 years of my
life...And how much I've missed something
for that time of my life...I cried 'cuz even
without knowing how it felt to have a
Father,I miss having one to call my own
Father...It would've been 360 degrees
different...

To grew up without a Father is a challenge
that God hold upon me..I've dealt with it
for 19 years..And doing well...But why now?
Why now,when I'm almost 20 that I felt how
much of an emptiness it has been?After so
much that I have put up with,this is the
one thing that has made me a weakling...I
just wanna cry...I just wanna let it out..
I know things happen for a reason..And I
know God wouldn't test someone whom HE
knows can't bear with it...I'm not complaining..
Nor am I blaming..It's just...I wish I could
feel how it feels to have a complete family,
to have a Father..Even though for a day...

Everyday I put up a smile..Everyday I sound
a laughter..Everyday I never fail to show that
nothing can bother me..Yet everyday,it's eating
me up slowly...Lately..I can't endure it..I wish
I could run away and go missing..But running
away is not going to settle anything..I have to
face it and get over it..I know that time can
never be turn..I know that I'm not the only one
without a father...I just hope these sober moment
will go away soon...I so hate this feeling...I don't
want it to further affect me...

Dear God,
Make this child of yours a stronger person...You
have made me a strong person for the whole 19
years I've breathed...Don't make me fall down..
Guide me with Your love,Your strength and Your
eyes..Put me somewhere,where I know I'm worth..
Put me somewhere,where I know that I can forget
all that has made me shed my tears...

Jadikan hambaMu ini seseorang yang tegar..Pimpin
aku supaya ku sentiasa tidak merasakan kekurangan
yang ada pada diriku...Sinarilah daku dengan cahaya
kasihMu,cahaya petunjukMu dan cahaya imanMu...
Amin...

Al-Fatihah

2010-04-17T22:04:00.004+08:00

At first I thought it wasn't true..
It was so hard to believe..Achik
Spin has passed away..In a car
accident today at 6 pm..Right
now I'm in a state of shock..I just
listened to his songs earlier this
morning..Ya Allah..Ya Rabbi..
Subhanallah...

I guess what my mum said makes
sense..My mum said..Achik's and
Nana's love was parted by death..
Eventhough Nana was divorced..Achik
couldn't possibly divorce his wife..
So I guess my mum did make sense..
Their love was a case of till death
do us part..And death did do them part..

Innallillah wa innalillahi rhojiun...
Semoga dia ditempatkan di kalangan
mereka yang beriman dan disayangi
Allah..Semoga cintanya dan Nana
bersatu di kemudian hari..
Al-Fatihah

Boo Chak

2010-04-17T14:01:00.003+08:00

Hello hello Marshmallows! I was
worn out the whole week...Can't
even make it to work..So I'd rather
not promise something and not
turning up..That will just worsen
their situation..Right?So yesterday
in school,we were assign lockers to
choose..I didn't take any...'Cuz I
never liked using lockers..In my
previous years,I brought home all
my books..But only after I rejects
the locker..I found out that I can no
longer bring bags to the Beauty Lab..
'Cuz there's no more lockers in there
i guess...So you see..Comes Monday..
I have to ask my CA who has space
for me to share lockers with..What
The Hell lah!

That aside...Now My BLs..Haha..I
want to see you guys on the day
of the event..I don't care..For dinner
at least..I don't know for how much
longer we can all meet up frequently
with each other..But sooner or later,
we're bound to get busy with our own
schools and stuff..We're no longer in
the same school..But please promise
that you guys will stick around..And
we'll try to meet up once in a while..?
Please?

I Miss My BLians

2010-04-13T21:01:00.003+08:00

Hello Marshmallows!Second day of school
was great..We got along...We talked...And
we're friends now?Haha..Yeapp..Anyway..
I have been missing my fellow BLians..
Effing much...Those from my batch are
especially..I SMS-ed those that I'm
close to...Haha..And when they reliped..
We SMS-ed somemore about those times
we had..That made me even more sedih..
And made the other party sedih also..So
now,we're both sedih..Remembering those
times when we used to just hung out after
class at either SAC or the BL Room...Alot
of funny moments..Quarelling moments...
Cries and laughters..Pouring our hearts out
about any problems..Aaahh...Those were
the times...That are greatly cherished...

Now I really wished that I can meet up with
them real soon..I can't take it any longer...
I miss you : Nelly,Yan,David,Fina,Matt,Adi,
Farhanah,Faiz.K,Faiz.O,Nad.z,Margaret,
Jayvier,Aidyl,Hisham,Wan,Meera,Meiza
and those who were from the 2008 batch..
Maira...Mar..And a few more who's name I
have come to forget...I miss 2008 and I
miss those from it's time... )':

=(

2010-04-12T18:17:00.004+08:00

Hey Daisies...Today was my first day of
my higher nitec course..As usual..Went
through once again the orientation
period...It sucks big time!Firstly..The
new BLs weren't fully equipped..They
were as if not given the proper training..
They don't know what the heck they're
suppose to do..There weren't any seniors
handling the class with the juniors..So you
see...No one to guide them..How??They do
not project any leadership qualities..They
were not organized...I pity Mr.Liang...
Quality level = Down the drains...

Sorry! But it's the truth...My class..Well...
What do you expect..We're the progression
class...Obviously we have our own cliques..
But by the end of the day..Some of them
were nice enough to make friends with Dew,
Nico and me..My Class Adviser is a new
lecturer..And so I don't really know how she
is and how she will be...Though she do seemed
nice..

Right now..I felt shrunken..So discouraged..
I don't know why...It's stupid,come to think
about it...Somehow,I wished I had someone.
To call mine..Be mine...To listen to my every
heart's pour..To encourage me..To lift me up
when I'm down..To be my other half..Be my
eyes when I'm blinded..Be my heart when I
lost it..Be my voice when...When I have a sore
throat??LOL...Someone to pour his love,care
on me...And I...I'll be his every smile..His
every laughter..His every cries...His every
problem..His every answer...His every support
in return..So at times like this..When I'm
feeling down all of a sudden...I have someone
to coax and console me...Adakah aku ni
kurang perhatian??Kurang kasih sayang??
Hmmphh...We'll see what the future holds
for me..And we'll see what it presents me
with as it slowly unfolds...

STOP!!! Enough of this mushy mushy-ness
Irah!!You've got to step up your game..
Get over and done with,with whatever you
planned to do...Focus babe..Focus...

Oh yeah!Today..Like finally!The Lovelies
reunited!!!All three of us finally get to sit
together..On one table..Had a few laughs..
Shared a few stories..Oh I miss them so
much!!I miss those times we used to hang
out doing nothing but scrutinizing people...
Hehe...I miss those lame laughing sessions...
I miss those videos making sessions...I just
miss US and everything that we would
usually do!!

Over and done with feeling crappy!!
I'm gonna get back on my feet..Cover my
feeling crappy-ness...Put a strong front...
Do what I love doing..What I want to do..
Ace in it..Be it studying..Or other thing...Like...
Like...When the time is right you'll know on
your own..

O on the U to the T

OUT!

IFMYSM

2010-04-10T23:12:00.003+08:00

Yes yes yes!! I Fucking Miss You So Much!!
I miss my Lovelies!Period..I went out just
now..Reason given : to get my school
supplies..Asked Love along..So we meet up
at abt 6..I think..Went around getting
ourselves pens and highlighters in various
color...Then bought foods to munch..Sat at
a spot somewhere...Talked and laughed...
And that feels awesome!!Thank you sayang
ku for the last minute and short meet up...
Talked about foods..School...Studying..Work..
And some other stuff...Thereafter,went back
to Tampines 1...Nature's call..Haha..Did some
more walking..

While I was telling Sentosa Stories to Qin,I
bumped into Mokhsein..Not Mokhsein my
cousin..Mokhsein that lived near my area..

Went around and I was telling Qin about Pak
Meon..Haha...Oh gosh..Haha..Meon oh Meon!
Haha!Okay..Stop it with Meon k!

Anyway..While I was out..Marina texted me...
Her Aunt just passed away..Innallillah
Wa'innallillahi Rhojiun..May Allah blessed her
soul..Amin Ya Rabbal A'lamin..

Sweet And Salty

2010-04-09T22:03:00.004+08:00

Here I am...Again..Buhh...Just got back from
work..Didn't really realise that time passes..
But I was super "lemau" today...Fina was in
the same "cruise" with me..Haha..Ended at
5 p.m..Changed and head to Wisma to
accompany Fina who's collecting Tham's
Laptop..While waiting for the ques number,
we were both hungry and sleepy..What a
combination!So after that we went to KFC..
Matthew OI!! We had KFC chicken again oi!
I fed my baby twice with it's chicken..How?
Have you even feed your baby once?

In two days time..I'll start my school again...
It is a much awaited event 'cuz I really am
looking forward to achieve my Higher Nitec
cert...I know I can endure another 2 years of
studying..Right now..I'm just a lil' shaken..'Cuz
it's been almost half a year I hung my uniform..
I'm glad that I'm given the spot..I know how
lucky I am..I know that I deserved it...Yet
somehow something is pulling me back..Arhgg!
To hell with it!I'm gonna stick with it..Move up
ahead with it..Prove myself to those who looked
down upon me...Prove myself..To myself...I'm
not going to look back anymore..Like it or not..
It's for my own good..I have a family to think of..
I have a family to take care of and support..I
have a whole future awaiting..I have my whole
life to assure..Assure that my family,kids and
especially my mum,get the very best out of
everything..I want to give them the best..And
only that..Nothing less...Even if it means I will
lose myself along the way..Even if it means I
will hurt myself...As long as those I loved
around me doesn't get hurt,that's fine by me..

So now...I'm gonna have to take a deep breath..
Relax..Stay cool..And...STUDY LIKE MAD
HELL!!! Hahaha...

STUDYstudySTUDYstudySTUDYstudySTUDYstudy

Im Not Angry...

2010-04-08T23:54:00.002+08:00

Yo Yo! Aksi Mat Yoyo?Haha..Okay..Achoo!
I just sneezed..Shiat!Not getting any worse
but neither am I getting any better...So
how?Die! Haha...For the whole week I was
like a zombie...Imagine that..Today,work
was normal..Tomorrow..Another story..
Sham still keep asking me if I'm pregnant...
NO!! Okay...LOL...Anyway thanks for the
care & concern...

Pak meon...Surprisingly...Very easy to talk
to..But I'm lost for sentences...Haha!How?

Tomorrow stationed at Beach..With Fina...
At 8.30 a.m shift...Morning morning wakey
wakey..Mati mati...At 1 a.m I'm still wide
awake..Haha..Haish...Orang banyak pergi
sebab rasanya merajuk kot...That's how I see
it..Orang terkilan..Kecil hati...Buhh...

Meera...Meera...Meera...Aku tak marah...
Bukan aku kalau aku marah..I know what
I said..And I'm aware that I can be harsh
with my words..I know that fact..And that
is why I'm not a lil' affected at all...And..I
type what I typed not 'cuz I'm angry..But
it's because I want you to realise..I want
you to wake up..Time is chasing after us...
Therefore make good use of it...Fill it with
meaningful actions and doings..It's been a
while that I wanted to talk to you..But the
fact that you'll refuse to listen,made me
hold it back..One of these days..We shall
ALL have a good peaceful and meaningful
talk with each other...

Kita tak selamanya muda..Kita tak
selamanya sihat..Selagi kita dianugerahi
kudrat dan kemampuan,jangan sesekali
kita mempersia-siakannya...Kerana kita
dikurniakannya hanya sekali...Make full
and good use of your life..

Nak dengar...Dengar...Tak nak dengar...
Tak apa...

Say It Girl

2010-04-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

Hello Sunshines! Found out that Erman
is no longer working...Today was Yasser's
last day..Tomorrow's Taufiq's last day...
Of working at Sentosa..Whoah! Orang-
orang gerek semua satu persatu angkat
kaki..Lusa entah siapa pula ya...?It's
kind of like a wow situation..I'm awed..
A lil' sad..To see those faces,whom has
been good colleagues and friends...Haish..
Nevermind that..There's facebook now!

Second thing...To Meera..Sesungguhnya
aku tak terkilan,segan,takut atau serba
salah..You pretty darn well know that I
have a laser pointed mouth..I say what I
want to say..'Cuz it's the fact..Kalau you
rasa sedih..Fikir balik..Baik lu dengar dari
mulut gua,dari lu dengar dari mulut orang
yang tak kenal lu langsung..Baik lu dengar
depan depan,dari lu dengar orang cakap
pasal lu belakang belakang..Which will hurt
more?Grow up girl..Life won't be sugary
sweet all the time..It's time you stand up
and accept the fact..

If I said something that have made you
sad..Confront me...Ask me why I said
what I said..Kalau aku say it straight to
you..Kau boleh terima?You won't listen
baybe..You won't..Orang bahasa bahasa-
kan kau sebab they care..Kau kata kau
happy with the way you dress up when
you go out..Okay..Fine...That's good..But
dear,presentation is key..Impression at the
first sight matters...Even if you just can't
be bothered..At least..The least you can do
is just take care of ur well being..Kau kena
ingat..Kita ni perempuan...Macam mana
buruk kita rasa diri kita ni pon,kita tetap
kena jaga diri kita..Memang tak ada satu
hamba Allah yang sempurna..Tapi kedaifan
kita tu kita boleh perelokkan..Kita boleh
cover kan sana sikit,sini sikit..Sekurang-
kurangnya sedap mata memandang..Sejuk
telinga kita dengar...

Sekiranya diri kita dah memang dilahirkan
buruk,takkan kita nak terus menerus diamkan
diri kita ni terus buruk..Betul tak?We can do
something about it right...So take those small
steps..Take initiative to sekurang-kurangnya
kemaskan diri kita..

It's pretty obvious that aku ni pon tak
se-sempurna mana...I have my flaws...But
not everyone needs to know that...Take pride
in yourself...Hargai harga diri kau...Sebab ia-
nya tak ternilai...Aku bukan nak kata aku
good uh..Aku pon tak bagus mana...Tapi aku
cuba hargai apa yang ada pada aku..Kalau
yang kurang,boleh tambah..Kalau yang dah
ada,boleh diperbaiki..Kalau yang dah hampir
sempurna,embrace it..When people praise
you..Don't be so humble..It's good to be humble..
But when you're praised,smile and say thank
you.Accept what people say about you..Don't
always refuse it and says no,I'm not what you
say..

Aku rasa itulah yang membezakan anak-
anak kita dan anak anak orang barat..When
they are praised,they say thank you..That
builds up their self esteem..I learnt from
them..That's why my self esteem isn't as low
as when I was in primary school...Go ahead
and indulge in yourself..It's not wrong to be
a lil' arrogant,to be a lil' confident...

Lepas ni..Terpulang pada kau nak tetap
anggap aku sebagai kawan atau lawan..I don't
mind losing a friend as long as you wake up..
At least I lose knowing that eventhough you
hated me,but at least I changed you...

Pride,Honour & Dignity..It Has No Price If
You Don't Know How To Nurture,Care &
Held It High...

Walk With Your Head High,'Cuz You Know The
Effort You've Put In,Eventhough People Say
That You're Not Even Close To Good...

Pakaian Aku Cukup Cool Hari Ini

2010-04-05T12:44:00.001+08:00

Hey ya beloved daisies..Today was suppose
to have meet up with my BLians at 10 a.m..
To collect our EAGLES award cheque..But
since both Fina and I were sick..It was
postponed to 2 p.m..So went to Bedok and
waited for Fina..Then head to school...Took
our much deserved cheques and went off to
Bugis..Had lunch..Waited for Saloma a.k.a
Nad.zerg..Then went for a lil' walk..Super
slow walk lah..'Cuz both Fina and I took med.
Went to took some pictures..

Then went on to do more slow walking around
Bugis before heading home..Reached home..
Online..MSNed with Fina..And we talked
about doing a so called shoot..Where we dress
up and feeling feeling super model...Haha!And
the dress code was..Whatever lah..Up to you
individuals..And I told Fina that I wanna wear
what I wore today..Just that I wanna wear it
with a pair of heels..'Cuz this is what I thought
of my clothing today...

Pakaian aku Cukup Cool Hari Ini.
Translation..
My clothing is cool enough today.

That is why you see those status on Fina's and
mine,on Facebook..This is what it's all about...
Haha...So here's the gambar aku CCHI..

Darling O-U to the T! Out baybeh!

Lost For Words

2010-04-04T12:37:00.001+08:00

I'm totally blank now..Don't know what
to update on..Okay..Work was hectic...
Crazy..And Funny...Plus I was sick all
throughout the week..And people there
have been asking what have I done
lately till I kept feeling giddy and felt
like throwing up..Sham the train captain
ask me with all the hands gesture whether
I am pregnant..And 'cuz of that..Most of
the people that walk pass will look at me
and asks me "are you okay?" / "throw up,
giddy..what did you do??" and gave me THAT
look...Haiyoh...*Irah shakes head*

What the hell lahs! I am not pregnant okay!
Haha..Im just sick..Fever come and go..For
the whole week...That is why!

Older Or Younger?

2010-03-28T20:02:00.003+08:00

Hear my say..I read on the Berita Minggu,
dated today..About older women going
for younger "men"...In the first place...
Does age even matters?We're in the 21st
century..Take a look around you...Everything
has changed...It doesn't matter if he's
younger...As long as he knows his
responsibilities..He knows his good and
bad..He's caring,loving,mature..Wise..That
should be more than enough to start off
with..Agree?

Hello Hello Hi

2010-03-22T00:32:00.000+08:00

Aaarrgghh!Bsk kena ticketing..Haha..
Pantat..Nevermind...I think I'm
getting the hang of it..So...Selit je uh
apa apa...Tak cerewet...Haha...

Hopefully the day after I get to do
Rover again..Huahua...Haha...
Marina will be back from MC tomorrow..
Alerrmak!Can see her somemore!!
More!!And more...Okay...I'm getting
weirder and weirder by the day...

Marina...oh Marina..

2010-03-19T13:19:00.001+08:00

That...Absolutely doesn't sounds so
right...Haha...Yesterday..Was stationed
at Sentosa Station doing rover...I
intended not to work...But then it's
been sooo long since I last saw
Marina,the cutest most adorable and
much adored by me train captain...
Haha!She IS cute to the max okeh!

So yesterday,while I was walking
towards the pantry to wait for Fina
for break,saw someone walking out
from the train..I looked once...Then
twice..Then I realised that that was
her!Yeay!!I ran towards her and called
out her name...She turned,smile like a
cute kitten...Haha..Ok..maksudnya
ape nie aku!Haha..And then I pinched
her cheeks!!Haha..Gerammmm oi!!

Okay..Some people might not know
this..I adore girls,female,woman,
ladies..I like my own kind 'cuz of
who we are...We can shake the world
with our hands okay!Haha..I thank
God for letting me be one of them..
Yes yes..I adore girls...I like girls..
But I emphasise it again!

I am straight...Very straight..I go
extremely OTT gugugaga over boys,
metrosexual boys who knows how
to take care of their well being,their
appearance,themselves..Who also
have a sense of responsibility..I'd
so go "Oooh" & "Aaah" over these
kinds...Oh!not forgetting...I'll go
weak on my knees when I see some
blue eyed Blondie bloke! *meltzz*

Saw one today..At the MRT station..
He reminds me of Hidayat..My class
Hidayat...Alamak!Rindu pe dengan
Yat!Lama nak mampos tak tahu ape
jadi dengan tu budak...

:(

2010-03-18T01:47:00.000+08:00

T.T I've had plans to meet up with my
Love & Sweetheart..But it got cancelled
last minute due to my Mum's last
minutee announcement of her medical
appointment...So there you go!Gosh..I
really was looking forward to do some
catching up...Guess we'll all have to wait
for another day...

At work...Had fun...Nothing that I can't
handle...Saw Marina!Finally...Pinched her
cheeks!Haha..She's super cute lahs!!Cannot
tahan you know!Haha...Okay...I admit that
I like her..But that so doesn't mean that I'm
crooked or whatsoever okay!?I like her
'cuz of who she is..Very friendly,sweet,humble
and of course...CUTE NAK RAK laa okaayyy!!

Kalau aku ada anak,aku nak anak aku macam
dia...Boleh???HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Ohkay kay kay....Tomorrow/today,is THE
day..It's the day of the heats...A little nerveous
of course...Though it's not the real deal yet..
Excited...Yes...Because I'll get to see a whole
loads of pretty faces with unique features...
Make new friends as well..And...See what
will become of all those faces after a few dolled
up done...You can expect ugly ducklings turning
to beautiful elegant swans...Hopefully I am one
of the ugly-ducklings-turned-beautiful-swans
girls...Haha...

My eyes are still not well...I still feel as if the
UFO is still swimming around..Haha!So right
now...I'm going to apply my eye drops...And
off to my Grape Yard in Pillow Island...

I know you're reading..I have seventh sense!
Haha!Take care..Be good..And I'll see you
when I see you...

What A Relief

2010-03-15T23:44:00.003+08:00

I followed my instinct..Went to see the
Doctor..Told him about the condition...
He did some checks..And yes..There was
something in and on my eyes..So he numbed
my eyes and wiped clean it..It felt SO
much better right after that..Yeah!Haha..

So tomorrow I'd be going to work with only
one eye wearing contact lense..Haha..I have
to take care of my eyes for the Dewa Dewi
pageant...Yeap..Can't wait for it...Yes!
I gotta feeling that this year,it's gonna be
awesome for me!Haha...

Argh! Fcuk!

2010-03-13T19:09:00.002+08:00

I couldn't sleep the whole night yesterday..
It's my eyes...Left one..I don't know why..
But when I closed my eyes..It hurts like
crazy..And I can't sleep..It still hurts now..
My eyes are red..It's sepet already..And
the feeling is super uncomfortable!

Anyway..This year's Anugerah Skrin's
winner will get a slightly better exposure..
They'll get to appear in the English
stream drama...Hmm.....I wonder...In 3
years time..Will it be even better???

Not In The Mood

2010-03-12T16:32:00.002+08:00

You read it right..I'm not in the mood..
Yesterday,I received a letter from CDC..
They still want my Mum to work..What
the hell!I was so pissed off..It's not as if
I'm not working..I am working..For now,
yes we can managed..But later on..When
I've finally starts schooling?Can't expect
me to be earning as much as when I wasn't
schooling?Right?

At times...I do feel like putting my studies
on hold..But then,I won't know when will
I be able to resume it..And at the same
time,I don't want to let go of my dreams,
my studies and my future...Whatever that
I have done...I did it for my Mother..I did
it so that she can have a better future.I can
have a better future..My children can have
a better future..Nothing has been about me..
Nothing was for me..It's for my future..My
life..I've never had times for myself..I was
definitely not like any other kid my age...

I know that I'm different..And that doesn't
bother me..That's what makes me,me..That's
what will make me a somebody...Someday..

Two At Once

2010-03-10T23:25:00.003+08:00

Okayy! While I was out with my BLs..I
received a call from Zul Radi Bridal
Couture,I didn't hear it calling..So I
called back..And I was told that I'm
selected for this year's Dewa Dewi..I'm
needed to attend the heats on the 19th
March,7.00 p.m,Singapore Expo Hall
4B..

Another thing is that Anugerah Skrin
is open for audition on the 20th of March..
Imagine that..Haiyoh..Nevermind..I've made
up my mind..I chose to focus on Dewa Dewi
first...I don't want to be greedy...If it is
meant for me..Then it is most definitely
worth waiting another 3 years for it..Right?

So there you go!Dewa Dewi here I come!

Tk Perlu Eyh!

2010-03-07T12:35:00.004+08:00

Hey ya! I know you're reading! I saw you!
Okay..Lame...Anyway..Yesterday...Hehehe...
Ada gossip ni! Fina ketawa kekek kekek!
The story is like this...

As usual..The train that "Acai" drove pass by..
I will always give him THE attitude stuck up
face..'Cuz he's always giving that kinda face..
Regardless if people is smiling at him,being
nice/good to him...It's always always that
"I-am-the-hero-the-most-handsome-macho
-of-all" face...Feeling uh dektu!Stop it eh...

So there was this once..When I actually asked
a few uncles to move forward..I didn't know
that those uncles was with him...So I just ask
them nicely to move forward please...Guess
what "Acai" said?

Tk nak forward,nak rewind boleh? Translation :
Don't want to forward,want to rewind can?

What!?Thinks that cute luhh!Puit!Haha...
Over sak!Bang,relax uh eh...Gua suggest
lu pergi sejukkan diri dulu..Lu slow down
sikit eh bang...Bertaubat lah kalau perlu..
Lebih baik..Lebih afdal...

Okay okay..I got to go...Haha...Off to work
soon...Anyhoos...Can't wait till Wednesday
arrives..I'll be having picnic with my BLs
siblings!!Yeah!!I really hope my adik,
Mathhew Joushua Wee Pin aka Malik,
can make it...I miss the rest so much..But
I super duper terribly miserably horribly
miss him SOO SOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOO
much!!!

There you go! I miss you lah adik!!Never
SMS...Never call...Never see you online....
Haish.. T.T

Okay...Bye!

♥Darling♥

Boo!

2010-03-05T21:11:00.008+08:00

Hey sexay! Haha..Okay..I just settled all my

school's needs...School fees and all..Today...

Then I went down to Joo Chiat to Zul Radi

Bridal Couture to put my name in the

running towards becoming one of this year's

Dewi for the Dewa Dewi pageant..We'll

see how it goes..And I shall update it alright..

Send me your prayers peepos!Haha...Your

good luck wishes and stuff..Your supports...

Your encouragements..Oh yes...I need it..And

I'll appreciate it..Very much..

Here's what I wanna do..It's been on my wish

list since long ago...Since I was 16 actually..Haha!

I wanted to donate my blood..Yes yes..Donate

my blood..Anyone up for accompanying me?

Anyway...I've made myself a twitter account..

Wonder why I did that...Maybe I was damn

bored at that point of time!Haha..So yeah...

Twitter or Blog..It's about the same..Only

different is that twitter only allows super short

thoughts to be typed..While blog is the other

way round..What the hell...I can tell you that

in approximately 3 weeks time,my twitter

will rot!

Apart from that..At work..Fina and I,we have
inside joke..Its Acai joke..Haha...And that joke
leads to gossiping...And now Acai has evolved
to Ocai..And currently it's Kucai...Haha! Okay..
Lame..I'm aware...

Much Loved,
♥Darling♥

I'll Never Stop

2010-03-01T20:29:00.003+08:00

Hey!Been occupied with work and juggling my life..
Haha...Sounds so boring..I know..My cell commited
suicide..It died...How tragic!Haha..So today went out
with my Lovelies...Got myself a china phone..Stress
pe aku nk cari mana nk silent mode kan dia!!Haha...
Pathetic pe aku!Haha...Okay..Forget that...Now...

Now...I wanna try out again for Dewa Dewi...Yes..
For the second time...Hopefully this year will be
THE year for me...InsyaAllah..Amin...I'm trying out
again after four years...I'll be getting the forms..Then
arrange for the registration...And set up for my clothings
and make-ups...

Give Me One Moment In Time

2010-02-20T00:44:00.008+08:00

Hey there..I've started a new work..Made new friends..
Cool people..Fun people...Another joyious matter is that....

My Higher Nitec application has been approved!!Yeay!
Woohoo!So I will be starting school on the 12th of April
2010...Can't wait!The only things left to do now is to go for
the required medical check-ups...Do the registrations and
photo taking..And then...Start studying like hell!

I swear I'll push myself to the limit!Doesn't matter
whatever it takes..I so wanna get a GPA of 4...Straight A's..
And a B..If straight A's is too much to ask for...Hehe...
Sumpah!Aku belajar macam nak rak,nyah!Haha..
(nyah tu tak perlu eh)

I wanna be THE top student..And still maintain my
reputationas the "it" girl..Who says beauty doesn't come
with brains?!Haha..Not that I'm saying I'm beautiful and
smart..I'm justsaying that..I don't care what you think lahh!!
Haha...I feel beautiful,I know I have a beautiful heart..And
my closed/loved ones knows that too..So that is all that
matters to me the most..I don't wannafool around no more
and go messing up my future and my life..I have made my
mind up..I have set my goals in life..I have my purpose..I
have a dream to realise..And I want it to be big..

I know that some says what I want is too OTT(over the top)...
To me,one has to have big dreams,wants and desire of
something they wanna achieve in life...Life have indeed
made me wiser..More mature..People around me too..Every
fallen steps is a learning step..Every mistakes made is an
opportunity opener..Every failing is chance to do and be better
at what you are doing..And every discouragements should be
a motivation...

This year I only made it as one of the top 25%...That's cool...
That's cool...For now...Haha...By this coming years ahead..
I'll be the no.1 student..I'm gambling with my pride,honour
and dignitywhen I said this..May God have mercy on me..
Thank you Allah..
Amin...

One Who Gain Strength by Overcoming

Obstacles Possesses the Only Strength

Which Can Overcome ADVERSITY.

It Paid Off

2010-02-09T21:46:00.002+08:00

Hello Daisies!Haha..I am yet to get my result for my higher
nitec application..But I received another result..I will be
receiving the ITE Edusave Merit Bursary..Haha...Like,wow!
I'm one of the top 25% of students..Haha...Yeah me!Haha..
Okay...That's about it...

A rose by any other name,will still smell like a rose

I'll Be Away

2010-02-06T12:13:00.003+08:00

Haha...Don't get deceived..I'll be away...Yes...But for only the
whole of today..I hope..Haha...I'll be going out to my nephew's
birthday party at ECP (reminds me of something else) haha..
Then when I'm back,I will most definitely be sitting right
infront of my TV set,going ooh aah ooooh over Johnny Depp
watching Pirates Of The Caribbean At World End..Eventhough
my Mum hates him in that movie..She says he looks so whuut!
Haha..

Okay..I'm o to the u on the t ya'll! OUT!

Love,
Darling

Graduation Day

2010-02-03T22:02:00.004+08:00

Phew!Finally it is over!Yes yes...My Graduation Day..I'm glad that
most of my girls came back for it..It was like a little reunion after
so long of not seeing each other...It's a good thing...Enjoyed myself..
I'm heading to bed now...

Lovelies...I couldn't meet up with you today...I know you're having
class...Hope to see you guys pretty darn soon...

I'll see you when I see you..
xoxo

I Miss You

2010-01-30T14:10:00.003+08:00

Hey there...So yes..I've made the calls,set an appointment..And it will be this coming Tuesday at 1.30 p.m..Yes it is this Tuesday,2nd February,the day before my Graduation Day..Who cares...I gotta do what I gotta do..So,Mum given her blessings..Which means,85% chances of me getting it..A Mother's blessings always play a major role in a child's success..Agreed?Let's just wait and see what the future holds for me..

I've been missing my Lovelies..Terribly...I wish and demand that I see you bitches soon!Haha...And then we'll do some bitching okay?I haven't only been missing my Lovelies,I've been missing hanging out with my BL "siblings"...Yeap..

Apart from that..There's a few more that I miss like hell in heaven...Not saying it out....But I know I miss them..

Current mood check : Sad :(

I Miss You...

2010-01-28T17:03:00.007+08:00

A little boy said hello to me cheekily..Mind you he was with his mummy.. Haha..I must be too hot..

Anyway..Yesterday,after my appoinment,I received a shocking SMS..From Sweetheart..Her dearest Grandmother had passed away.. Innalillah wa'innalillah hiraji'un...I called her as soon as i read it..It must be devastating..I remembered when I lost my grandmother..But,we must all know that flowers don't always bloom and blossom..When the time comes,it'll withered.So does those who lives..

Just know that,we'll be here for you if you need anything..Dan jangan lupa dalam setiap sembahyang yang kau jalankan,kau kirimkan do'a untuk nenek kau..Aku akan lakukan yang sama juga..Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan dia ditempatkan disamping mereka yang disayangi Allah.. Amin Ya Rabbal Al'amin..

I promise you that I shall give you that hug I promised,when I see you.. Hang in there...I know you're a strong girl..

2010-01-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

Okay...I am so done done sone with the interview!OVER!!! Haha..
So there's only one thing left to do..Since I already told Mama
about it..and everytings alright...So I guess only thing to do is
set an appointment and proceed...K..Roll!!

2010-01-25T15:36:00.003+08:00

I Read Your Blog

Yes..I have already read your post..And it's a sweet one Love..
I appreciate that you appreciate our much appreciated full of
appreciation appreciated friendship..That,throughout the years
have blossomed into a sisterhood rather than a best friends-hood..
And always know that you two,you and Dee,are always second
in my heart,equally,after my Mum...There's no first or seconds..
You two are at a draw position..Haha..Equal!Kapeesh?

Anyway..I just wanted the both of you to know,that we have all
come a long way..

I've known Dee since seconday 2..Always sort of bullied by you!
Haha..Now..We're stuck with each other..How cool is that?!!Ahah..
I have always wondered,how things go by working things out till
we,who were once mere classmates,now a bestfriends' of one
another.Life is wierd in working..But I'm glad that it's wierd way
has brought us together..I'd be missing alot if I hadn't know you..
Missing you truck loads of sotong kuritAA!!See you soon!!And..
What happened to your blog seh babe (pig in the city) haha!..

Amoy!Teh peng satu!Haha...Babe..Lets just forget about whatever
happened in secondary 3..K?Whatever happened back there,I'm
sure it happened for a reason..The reason is,it made our bond
stronger..And no one can come in our ways now..Haha..We became
closer than before..Like I said..We've become more of a sister to
each other than bestfriends..So..Just forget it laa!!haha..We did
some cool,fun and awesome things together throughout the years..
So lets make a more greater ones in years to come..Alright?

THAT applies to you as well Dee!Understand?And to my two crazy
loving bitches who will be bitching about alot of things when we are
together,I LOVE YOU laa asses!!Haha..And..Thank you for being
my part time "buah hati" ("boyfriend") since I'm still SINGLE...
AVAILABLE....AND LOOKING....Haha...Thank you Nur Diyana
and Nur Ashiqin for being patience with me,for caring and never
failing to understands me and for your unconditional sisterly love..

Back With A Talk

2010-01-23T15:55:00.006+08:00

Back With A Talk
_____________

Hey...Something yesterday triggered a little something in me...
I want to talk about girls,boys and relationships...In general..
Nothing to do with anyone dead or alive..No no...Haha..
Case Number One : It's like this..A girl likes a boy..Lied
to a boy,pretended to be someone else to get to know
boy..One day,girl decided that the pretending have to
stop.. So girl admit to boy who she really is..Boy got
pissed..Throw harsh comments at girl..Few weeks past..
Girl still can't get over boy..'Cuz girl told me she love
boy..And then girl read something on boy's blog post,
about him missing someone he can call his own..How
much he missed the touch of love,being in love and
being loved.. Boy wrote that he felt empty..Girl has as
if given up..But yet,she doesn't want to..

Now...Now..That's not as bad as in Case Number Two : Girl
knows boy for almost a year or so...Boy treated her as
if she has a chance..Then girl found out that boy was
with someone else for a few months while was so called
"giving girl a chance".. Boy didn't tell girl the truth..
Instead acted as if nothing ever happened..Girl read
on that someone else's blog about the happenings..Her
heart got broken.. She was mad,furious and at the
same time,she felt used..Stupid.. Unappreciated..She felt
like an IDIOT..For pouring her love on boy and get
this in return...Oh..I almost forgot..Boy was aware of
girl's feelings towards him throughout the whole
process..Still,he acted as if NOTHING happened..And,
oh,did I mentioned that THEY weren't even in a
relationship with each other?Girl was left hanging and
waiting..Buhh.. -_-"

So here's the question..Who Suffers more?Who has the greatest
sufferings?Girl in Case One or girl in Case Two?Anyway..Aside
with who suffers more than who..The bottom line is...Both
girls have to let go..Whether they want it or not..It's not
healthy to keep holding on to someone who doesn't reciprocate
your feelings..To both girls..If you're reading this..Here's what
I can say to you..

To love does not means to have..And having does not mean
loving..It is hard to let go..To see the person you love is in
the passionate arms of another girl. To see that the girl in
HIS passionate arms is not you..It's heartbreaking.. But
we're mere humans...Never escapes from making mistakes
and taking wrong steps..Instead of mourning over it..Make
the best out of it..Learn through it..Learn not to hate him in
order to be able to let go much easier.. Learn to open your
heart to others even though you don't want to throw the love
for him just yet,you still want to hang on to it.I say go ahead..
Just DO NOT restrict yourself from getting to know others
around you..Who might be the one for you..God sent..

Remember,you too deserve a shot at happiness..You deserve
to smile..Be happy and loved..Doesn't matter if you're tall,
short,fat,skinny,beautiful or ugly..Anybody can be in love..
Everyone can be in love..Because love is true ( Cinta itu hakiki ) ..
Occupy yourself with positive activities..Go retail therapy
with your girlfriends (those who're very positive)..You feel a
little positive when you hang out with positive people..It's
their positive aura that got to you...Get to know yourself better
with a little help from your hobby..If you like to photograph,
then,snap away!Small things like this can help in the long run..
If that doesn't help much..

My suggestion,why don't you write down on a piece of paper
what's on your mind..Every little thing..That is bothering you
and giving you sleepless nights..What you'll miss about
"him"...What he's done to you..And what you hope to fulfill
about the matter..Like example,you wish to forget him or so..
Then,when you are really ready...Burn that piece of paper..Cry
if you must while burning it..Reckon that you are letting "him"
go..Letting memories of "him" go..All's left are ashes..Blow
it away..And it'll fly..Hopefully it goes the same for the
memories within you..

Be careful while burning,I don't want to be blame for any
house being on fire..Haha..Best wishes..Lots of love..I'll see
you when I see you...

Lingers

2010-01-17T21:34:00.003+08:00

Hello Daisies!These past few days I've been
having a hard time getting some shut eye...
And...It's a perfectly,utterly pathetic condition.
When someone can't get some sleep,it will
always be due to some matters that lingers
in their mind..That is bothering them.I can't
really say out what's bothering me.I don't want
to..Some things are better left unsaid..Better
left for me to carry it alone..I don't want people
to have to carry MY burden along with me.

But what I can say is that,this thing is very dear
to me..It's much much more personal than personal.
No one can never escape the ups and downs of life.
No one can escape from getting tangled up in a mess..
Be it someone else's mess or it's your own mess..The
matter that is giving me sleepless night is a mess....A
mess that I don't know with whom it started with
and when and how I got into the mess..Now..I am the
one who has to put an end to it..Why oh why!I didn't
start it so WHY should I end it?!

NO!I don't want to put an end to that mess!Never!
Since you started the mess.I'll make it end with
you..That is a promise..My promise!Come to think
about it again,this is a bit childish of me..Very
irrational..Unethical..I won't stoop as LOW as you!
So here's what I'll do..I will prove myself to you..
Then,we will see...Who's better than who..I'll make
sure I'll be far better than you..I know I am..I have
never fail in getting what I want MY way..I will
show you...Yes I will..

So there you have it..I've said my case and now
I'll rest my case..This is a promise and a sort of curse
I made to myself.If go beyond it,it'll eat myself up..
I promise that..I will keep my words...

2010-01-06T22:49:00.002+08:00

I'll be back in School (ITE Simei) , on the 11th of
January 2010..'Cuz it's the "O" Level results!!!
And it also means it's about time I can apply for
my Higher Nitec course!!!Haha...Can't really
wait to get back to school..Study...While I still
can..Haha..

So...To those who knows me...Greet me aiight
on that day..Pick me up at the bus stop..Haha...
I'll update again what time I'll be coming down..

Lotsa love and misses to everyone,
Irah aka Darling aka Rose Yatimah..

2010-01-01T01:24:00.002+08:00

Some pictures for the new year!!

The Three Stoogesses??Haha!!

My Homies/My Lovelies/My Sweetheart & Love

Darling signing off!!

Muaahh!!

2009-05-22T12:16:00.001+08:00

Hey there "beloved" Daisies of mine!!
Haha..Sounded sarcastic there?No
offence..Not being one okay!Just
want to inform you peeps that I'm
left with the weekends to finish up
my Attachment..Then..I'm gonna
have to cramp things up a little to
get my already done report and my
presentation together..Vaa vaa voom!
Get it printed and binded,neatly,
organized and beautifully..Haha..

All that...Before the 27th of May 2009.
So that once I really know when is my
presentation..I'm already prepped and
prepared..Haha..So..Pray hard guys..
Pray real hard for me..

(I'm blogging while at work..So I'm out now!!)

2009-04-28T00:33:00.001+08:00

Hey ya...It's been freaking long
since I last update this bloggy
of mine...It has not only been
collecting dust,but also a lot of
untold memories...

Guess today would be an
appropriate day to give one...
Supposedly,I'm to meet some-
one...But...Caused by something
unexpected and unplanned...
It got cancelled...So..Okay..Off
to meet Aizad then?

Text him..Told him I'd like
to change the plan..I'll meet
him at Compass Point,after I
picked up my make-up palette
from my C.A...His LAST MINUTE
reply was that he too can't make
it..Due to some LAST MINUTE
things....Next week maybe..I
can't be cramping all meet ups
next week,can I,Aizad?And...
My girls aren't too happy about
that Aizad...So do I...

Meet up with Lovelies then..
Saw Fina first before that..
Babe..So sorry time spent was
short...Some other time,it'll be
for "kita kita" okay?Heheh...
Went to Long John..Made over
my dear Dee after that..Then
head to our favorite spot...

There,we had a little crappy
session..And something kind
of got to me...I've talked about
it on the bus with Love..A little...
This,will be the "so called" full
version of it..

_______________

You know..Aizad...I thought
that,finally!Like finally,finally!...
You can open up to me..Like how
I have..That can never happen,
aye?What happened earlier
today..Somehow made me
realized how patient I am with
you..Other than Jepun,you're
the second one I've been patient
with..How slowly I'm taking things
when it comes to you..

There's a clear line between
giving and taking,and my
forbearance..CONGRATS!!
You've just crossed that line
dude..That IS IT!!I have had
enough..I'm exhausted..Hopelessly
worn out...Tired..Just sick and
tired of waiting..Chasing..Giving...
Yet,I'm not gaining...Tell me
Aizad..What's the point in playing
chase,if you're not even a step
ahead?

You were like my childhood sweet-
heart..You're my cocaine..My sweet,
sugary candy escape...Somehow,
addictive...I tried to pull myself
away..Tried looking at other boys..
Yet,it's you that I turn back to...Just
for you..I've made too much pit
stops.Moved a little to the front.
Made a U-turn not long later..You
gave me hope,of which I've come to
senses that it can't be relied upon..
Answer me,how long have I known
you?More than 2 years,Aizad..How
about this one : how long have I
waited and be patient with you?The
answer is same Aizad..

I was in the bus home..And I
almost broke down...Thinking
that this time,I am sincerely,
extremely tired..And..I told
myself that this will be the time
I will shut the main doors for you...
Open it up to others..I can't
continuously hold back..Because I
have held back a heck lot of
untouched,unspoken,unsaid and
unfounded things..

Why?Por ti...For you...All because
of you...There are those boys out
there,who could be my Mr.Perfect..
And I would never know if I'm still
here,"mourning" over you..I think
I've given us both a lot of time for
us,but from what I've been seeing..
It won't work..We're not even
part-timer..

Yet I felt used and unappreciated..
From what I have been putting
together too...You're not the kind
of man that's MY kind..You can't
seem to take a thing called RISK,
Aizad...Again..I've put up with it
and with you for far too long..I want
a "divorce" from you..

There's one more thing caused by
you,I had you hidden from those
close to me..From those I cared
for and vice versa..I have been with
you all these while in secrecy....
Quietly.... Hiding you from them..
It feels bad... Figure you wouldn't
care a bit about it...Ain't I JUST
SO right Aizad??!!

YES!I am "dumping" you,so called,
even before WE get together,boy...
AND..Before I got dumped..Heh..
How ironic...I don't need a Mr.Purrfuck
I need Mr.Perfect(in my eyes & heart)
that is...

This love fairytale surrounded by
beautifully tailored lies,too twisted,
too entwine..It was pretty while
fairies were flapping their wings,
spreading their magical dusts...Flowers
were blooming with love..Such beauty..
Yet violent in it's own way..It's thorn..
It hurts..And the pain I've kept..It's
building up...It's killing me softly..

Our fairytale has become too entwine
to untangle..I find no perfect reasons
now to slowly find the way to the
source of the tangle and slowly
UNtangle it..Lets just take a knife and
cut it through and OVER...Capture all
those fairies..Put them to sleep forever,
put an eternal curse on our fairytale land,
a curse that shall snatch all liveliness and
all memories of it..A curse that shall
vanishes it...Forever...

Before I drown even deeper..While there
is still a good thing going on for me,why
not explore and find indulgence in it..
Why should I let you submerged me?!
Why should I let you're sweetness
paralyzed me?!WHY?!

So...Here's to farewell Aizad...
Aizad,I'm not going to hold on
any longer..I am letting you go..
Go back to your little pond...Swim
Aizad,swim..'Cause I'll be going
to the ocean to dive....So long now...

Next Please!!Next Please!!Next Please!!

2009-04-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

Okay..I'm staring blankly at this
pathetic screen..Wondering...
Just.....Thinking...What do I do
when the walls starts to tumble
down upon me?

It ALL comes down to one tiny
little thing...Where do I go in
search for my answers?What
do I look into to find those who
can provide me with reasons?
How do I go about finding my
ways around the "town" full of
enigma?And how about how do
I put together a plan to eradicate
something close to my heart?

Whose eyes do I look into to
find the source of my strength?
I have never envisage myself
in this state of condition..Never..
But what can I do..I'm just a mere
human being..Undeniably imperfect..

Trapped in a "fairytale" so intwined..
Fallen too deeply,too far from
euphoria...The oh-you-think-I'd-care
facade is killing me slowly...Leading
to a fatal heartbreak..

You've commited a felony..Yes!You're
the one pulling me out of euphoria.
Into the psychotic state that I've
been trying to hold down..

Every smile you gave,is like raindrops.
Each one filled with emotions and a
story of it's own to tell..And every drop
of it is as beautiful as those smile that
comes from you..

(To be continued)

2009-04-13T22:03:00.002+08:00

Boo chak chak!!Haha..Whoo...Today...
Today was the April intake first day
orientation...I came back people..I
did!!Haha...I missed those guys...
My BLs kakis...Miss them badly to
the atmosphere laa...Haha..So before
I give out any sentimental messages
or speeches for those guys..Lets start
with my two most loved Lovelies,Qin
and Dee....

Mak datok...They start school TODAY..
Haha...They're in OR...Haha...Both of
them..I wonder how the teachers are
gonna handle them..Haha...Two bacin
together..God knows what can happen..
Haha...I was quite busy being a P.A
to my most missed Fina..Haha...Kekek
pe Fina!!!Haha...So didn't really saw
much of Lovelies..Haha..But turn here
and there...I managed to see these
two Ecstasy of mine..Hahak..

So..After settle most of the things..
During Ice Breaking,David came..
Haha..Wah..Macam mana peh star
pulak kan dia..Haha...Peh perangai
macam bacin..First thing he asked
me when he saw me was (looking at
his 'imaginary watch' , cuz he's not
wearing one) "So..Off uh today?"
Haha..What are you trying to say
"Sir"?Hahaha...

After that..He asked "How's work,Irah"
Alamak you uh..Don't make me smack
you!You know how my work is eh..
Haha...Unlike you..I'm not that lucky
to have my weekends to myself...
Hahak..But..Who cares...Like I told
you..I'll just tahan and hang around
for another 6 more weeks..Haha..
Then..I'll be a free bird!!!!Haha...No
need to go school!!No need see your
face!!Haha..Joking only uh..Hahaha...

Soon before it's time to say bubbye..
The usual jokers MUST start their
nonsense...Haha...Matthew,David,Yan,
Adi....Starts tucking in their shirts and
pulling their pants up high..Now those
guys..I'll give them a soft spot in my
tiny heart...They'll be the Geeks Of
My Life...Can??Haha...

All's done...I didn't tag along to Simpang
with the rest..Instead I head to Bedok
Inter,Long John...There...Right at the
very corner...My two Ecstasy are waiting
for me..Haha..I was kind of off today..
Have no idea as to why huh...Guess it's
due to the fact that I am late for 3 months..
You know late for what laa uh..My every
months "cuti"..

Reached home about 7..And overall..I think
I did a better job at my job than the first
time I did my job during January intake..
Hahaha...Sounds complicating?I got an
even more complicating one..Haha...

So now...I shall start with my "I miss those
guys" speeches...

First speech..Goes out to Fina...Bebeh..
I MISS YOU to the...Hmmm....To the
Kallang River?Haha...Miss you laa..So
much!!And too much...Meeting you on
Saturday...Wasn't enough!!Nak keluar
lagi!!!!!!!!!!Haha...That hug when we
just met..I tell you..If it were to go on a
little bit more longer..I'd be crying.. :(

Sentimental laa gitu...Hahak...Don't
know what else to say uh...Just MISS
you laa bebeh....

Next up...My Adik Kesayangan,Matthew
Joshua Wee...Is it??Haha...Matt oh Mat..
Adik ku!!It's been LONG,man,since I
last smack your butt!!Haha...No laa...
It's just been long since we have our
Kakak-Adik talk..If you ever wanna
talk or just feels like talking crap...
I'm just a text away..I'll entertain your
craps..Just like how you entertained
mine..Fair right??

Third will go to..Let's see..David?Haha..
Not really missing you that much..Ahak..
I meant not as much as I miss Fina...So,
okay..Third goes to David..You know
what..I miss your merepek-ness..Haha..
You ARE merepek okeh!!Haha..

Moving on...Fourth...Goes to Adi and Yan..
These two..Always able to put a smile on
my face..Haha..They tease a lot..But yet
I can never get mad at them..Haha..

Guess that is all of the people I've been
missing..Haha..You guys are those who
are sort of second close to me apart from
my two Lovelies...Tha's a plus point ouhkeh!
Don't take it for granted..Kk??Haha..K GO!!!

To all that names are mentioned above..
I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!Got miss me
or not??Haha...Miss you,you,you,you
and YOU...yes you you you you!!!Those
that I missed are those that I respect..

Last words to all reading my blog...

If One Does Not Know To Which Port One Is Sailing,

No Wind Is Favourable.

2009-04-06T23:55:00.002+08:00

Hey..You know...It just seemed
to me that people are just
wearing a mask over their face..
This applies only to guys..

Almost 88.8% of the people I
knew are some what wearing
one...They claimed that they know
me..Oh!Of course..

"Hey,I know you!!You're Irah
aren't you?!"

Duhh!!How much obvious can I
get...Just because you knew my
name..Doesn't mean you know
me baby..Ain't gonna mention
who wha..

Just so YOU know me a little
bit better..But don't get any
wrong idea..It's not for you
to get any closer than you are
now to me..It is a kind of an
alarm..Yeah..Alarm..For you to
acknowledge that once u pissed
me,annoy me,disrupt my peace,
undeniably a pest to me AND..
Once you're given the VIP spot
in MY Black Book..Oh brother!

You'd be wishing you never ever
came across this child of a devil
named Nurul Zahirah!!Kapeesh?!
So here goes...

First thing first..I'm a rebel by
born..But..If you can be a
two-faced SUCKER.So can I
baby.I ain't showing you that
I am one heck of a rebel just yet..
I'll be an Angel if u don't be an ASS..

Second up..I never go by the rules..
It MIGHT seems like I'm a goody
good citizen..No no..I make
amendments to rules,only THEN,
will I carry it out..

Third on the list...I'm nobody like
you!I am a BETTER version of
you.. When I say better..I mean..
Really WAY better..

Fourth and going up....I have a
DISEASE called EGO..And it's
pretty huge...Even much greater
than a boy's ego..I won't...
I R E P E A T..I WON'T bow to
you..

Fifth.....It's in the blood and it
skipped my Mum..I have a mouth
that kills...I say it..You hate me..
Ooh..Too bad...I don't give hoot!

Sixth......Get this in that thick
idiotic stupid to the atmosphere
not so bright brain of yours...I
hate arrogant,boastful,self
centered,cocky and full of yourself
bloke..Yes..You dumb bloke..It's
not hot to brag and boast...It's hot
when you have EVERYTHING yet
you're not SHOWING it OFF..In
another..Be HUMBLE..

Seventh unheaventhly,it won't be
easy to tame me..So..Don't get
high hopes..And start being too
over confident with me..You
disgust me..Get it?

Eight and I'm not dead.When I am
not impressed..You can tell..So..
Take 100 steps back..Go figure..

Ninth and standing strong..I'm
a girl with my own thoughts,I don't
just talk the talk..I walk the walk
baby..Haha..Unlike you!You only
talk..But you do nothing..

Tenth by obligation ,I'm raised with
one language..That is,the language
of Independent.I stand and WILL
only move up with my own feet..
Unless desperate,I won't accept help.

What else?Oh..Should you ever
encounter trouble memorising this..

Here's a summary of it ALL..

I AM a rebel by born,devil in
disguise,rules?I only follow MY
rules,I'm a BETTER version of
you,I have an ego that eats
myself,mouth that kills,self
centered,boastful,arrogant,
full of yourself cocky ass are
a definite TURN OFF.Over
confident DISGUSTS me,
when I ain't impressed,MOVE
AWAY!I talk the talk & walk the
walk,live by independent..Get it?

Any questions?Don't come looking
for me..I'm not an information
counter..

Lastly..If you can't handle me when

you have only been around me for

less than 2 years..Then..Go take

a hike aiight?!

2009-03-30T14:58:00.000+08:00

Hello hello my dearest most
missed daisies!!!Whoah!!its been..
What?A week or so since I last
update my bloggy?Yeah...So yeah..
I started my attachment on Monday
the 23rd...

The whole week's been great...I
made new friends..And I think
at the end of my 9 weeks there..
I'll be a good basic chinese
speaker??Hahak..Yeap..Not
much english circulates there..

But all's cool ya'll...All's cool...
Wana has been a good tour guide
for the first few days...A lot has
been learnt there...Our Manager
is like our Mum..And our Boss..
She's like our Granny..Haha..
So that makes me,Wana and the
rest sisters?right?Haha...

Funny thing is...Even though we
speak different languages at times..
We somehow manage to understand
what each other is saying..Cool or
what?!Haha...So...That's about it
for the whole first week...

Wow!!1 week has passed!!Hmm..It
didn't felt like it though...That's a
good sign..Which means I can
"tahan" there...Hahak..K..Bye..

Haha..here's something for me
alone to understand...

I REST MY CASE

2009-03-15T08:29:00.000+08:00

Hey ho Daisies!!Well...

I couldn't upload the pics
taken when my Baby
came..So I'll do it today
alrighty...

18 months already!!

Hahaha!!Cute or what!!He's carrying my
handbag...

That was when he 1st reached

my house..He loves that PDA Phone

of his dad's.

He's trying to say : "Oops..I pressed

something wrong Mama" Haha...

Well..That's about it guys...

2009-03-14T22:48:00.003+08:00

Today..I was given a

pleasant surprise..My

precious came over..Yes..

My precious little son,

Azfakaral...It has been

more than 2 weeks since

I last spent time with him..
I miss him so much!

Haiz..In a blink of an eye..

My son is already 18

months old..18 months!!

I can't believe that it's been

about 2 years since the incident..

Now..His dear father even

taught him how to call me

Mama...It almost made me

shed tears hearing him call

me that..He even knows how

to kiss..When I say kiss,I mean

a kiss...Peck on the lip..Isn't

he just the sweetest?!

But...Every time I met him..It

has to be for a short while..

He's already home now with

his father...Not complaining

though..I'm still grateful that

I can still see him...Thank YOU

God..Thank YOU so much..

To "him"...I can't deny..My

baby boy IS better off with
you...You already have a stable

job..You're 24 for God sake!

Take care of him Okay..One

thing I beg from you..Don't

ever separate me from him..

Signing off....

With Love,Irah & Karal

2009-03-14T02:33:00.000+08:00

MORNING MADNESS!!!

WEE HOUR CRAZE!!!!

Guess this is part III of

the test thingy???Here goes

nothing!!!!!!

Your Sixth Sense :

Your Sixth Sense Score: 80%

You are reasonable

and won't get blown by

temptations. However,

you might miss some

great opportunities.

___________

How Attractive Are You? :

Congratulations!

You are extremely attractive

to the opposite sex. You are

not only good looking but

your personality is also

charming in many ways.You

know how to get along with

people and can allocate your

time well. You are always

popular among the opposite sex.

(Ithink it's my buttocks that's

been getting attention)

___________

Why Do You Love Someone? :

You think he or she is a very

smart one. You love his/her brain.

[How SO VERY TRUE!!]

_________________

That's ending this Morning

Madness post of mine..See

you Daisies later!!

2009-03-13T23:58:00.001+08:00

Guess Friday the 13 IS
my Lucky Day??Haha...I
didn't undergo any problems
or what so ever..In fact..I got
a pleasent surprise...

Ok...Second day of my
personality test doing thingy...

First up...

Your Hidden Talent test:

The Mass Communicator

You have a cheerful personality
and you are a naturally kind
person. Your hidden talent isn't
really that hidden at all: you shine
among a crowd. You would make
an ideal news announcer, flight
attendant or model - any position
that would give you an opportunity
to deal with plenty of people. A tip
for you is to avoid getting too deeply
involved in others' personal lives -
otherwise you might find yourself
constantly being asked for help.

________________

Who Is Your Dream Guy :

He is wild and adventurous.
His path is often against
the world. He does what he
wants when he feels like.
His type of girl is quite
like him, independent and
wise. If you love freedom
and willing to risk, go for
this guy.

_______________

How Well Do You React? :

You recover quickly from
disappointment. But when
you feel that things are going
wrong, you will react immediately.

________________

How Deep Is Your Love? :

Depth: 53%

You have him in a corner of your
heart. Don't lie to yourself; he's
your special guy. Take good care
of your heart. You still have a long
way to go. Always remember that
love has two edges. Being apart for
a while might be a good chance to
proof his love to you.

________________

What Do Your Friends Think Of You :

You are popular. Your friends feel
at ease when they are around you.
You are cheerful and lovely. It's not
surprising that you have many good
friends. You always feel happy for
others, not a glimpse of envy. This
is your unique character. Keep up!

_________________

What if your boyfriend goes out with another girl?

You are optimistic and take it easy.
Eventually you will win him back.

_________________

This one's called the bridge???

You are persistent. It's not
your way to get only half of
your job done. You have an
extreme character. You can
be really nice to someone but
mean to another. Anyway,
your friends still like you
the way you are.

Im Out Of Here NOW!!!

2009-03-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

This..I find it FUNNI!!!!

Kind and Gentle

Your kindness is your charm -
you are also gentle and sweet.
Everybody likes to be around
people with your personality.
Like a psychologist, people like
to talk to you to discuss their
problems because you are
proper and discrete, as well
as confident. You look mature
and people respect you. People
with this kind of character are
few and far between.

___________

You value your friendships quite
a lot but you don't like to show
your feelings to others. You would
rather keep your feelings to yourself
than share them with your friends.
You might get a pleasant surprise
if you are more open about caring
for people - they will probably let
you know that you're special to
them, too.

____________

Ok..Last one!!

Do you have your eye on one of
your male friends? Are you
unsure about whether starting
a relationship with him would
be a wise thing to do? Take this
test to predict whether a relationship
with him will last. Please note that
you will need him to answer the
questions in part three.
(Do I??What do you think)

Things could turn out either way

You are a little too confident.
You assume that he acts the way
he does because he's interested
in you. Don't forget, however,
that he's the type of guy who
is interested in a lot of
things--and a lot of people.

He's a very popular person, so
it doesn't mean he cares particularly
for you when he shows that he's
worried because you're not well,
or because he has called you at
home once or twice. Nonetheless,
you should not abandon all your
hopes! It could be that he really
does like you, and the way he
acts indicates these feelings.

You need to carefully observe his
behavior, and how he reacts to you.
And you should show him more
clearly how you feel. If he reacts
to you as usual after he knows
you're keen, then don't worry,
he's coming your way.

Ouh boy!!THIS I AM SAYING IT
MYSELF..

IT IS BLOODY TRUE!!!!!!!!!